“Your values are the deeply held beliefs that serve as your internal compass.”
-Stephen Covey
When I had my stroke, what rose to the surface wasn’t my job title or my salary, but my core values. Values are what really mattered and helped me to heal.
One of the first steps to finding your purpose is identifying what matters most to you. A helpful way to do this is by defining your core values. and a great place to start is by asking yourself, “What do I want?” But before you do, let’s define and clarify what values are and compare them to morals and ethics.
Values vs. Morals vs. Ethics
How do we define values, and how do they differ from morals or ethics? And why are they important?
A value is a principle or belief that helps guide your decisions and shape your life. Psychologists Sagiv and Schwartz describe values as broad life goals that guide our actions across situations. In other words, they’re the threads that tie our choices together. Values influence what you see as useful, desirable, or important. Unlike morals, values are ones you consciously choose.
Morals, on the other hand, are often shaped by religion, culture, or society’s expectations about right and wrong. These can vary widely across the world. For example, polygamy is accepted and legal in many Middle Eastern and African countries while in most Western nations it’s considered immoral and illegal. Conversely, same-sex marriage is recognized as moral and legal in much of Western Europe, North America, and parts of Latin America, but remains criminalized and viewed as immoral in some African, Middle Eastern, and Asian countries.
Values and morals can overlap. For instance, you may personally value honesty, which also aligns with a common moral standard that lying, cheating, and stealing are wrong. Think of a value as your personal compass—something you deliberately carry with you to navigate life.
Ethics, in contrast, are more formalized. They are usually written codes or systems of conduct that apply values and morals in structured settings. Ethics often come into play in professions and organizations. In my field we follow the ACA Code of Ethics (American Counseling Association, 2014), which provides a framework for decision-making that protects clients, supports counselors, and upholds the standards of the profession. Similarly, most workplaces maintain their own ethical guidelines or codes of conduct.
Here’s a quick way to remember the distinction:
Values = Personal compass (what matters to me)
Morals = Cultural compass (what society says is right/wrong)
Ethics = Applied compass (how we act when choices get tricky)
Common Mistakes When Identifying Values
Also, when defining your core values, there are a few common pitfalls to watch out for.
- First, don’t confuse values with strengths. Here’s the difference: “I’m good at math” is a strength. “I value learning” is a value. One is about what you can do; the other is about what matters to you.
- Second, beware of mistaking external validation for values. For example, “I value being admired” isn’t really a value—it’s a craving for approval. It’s fragile, because the moment admiration disappears, so does the sense of meaning.
- Third, identifying your authentic values can be challenging because inherited values often feel like your own. That’s why it’s worth asking, “Where did this value come from? Is it genuinely mine, or did I inherit it from my parents, culture, or profession?” (That said, an interesting study indicated that some personal beliefs and morals actually stem from genetics. Researchers in 2019 found that while parents can encourage their children to develop into responsible, conscientious adults, underlying genetic factors also play a role in shaping these traits.)
- And fourth, there’s the “should” trap: picking values because they sound noble or expected. Avoid choosing values because they seem admirable or socially acceptable, or that are expected of you rather than values that reflect who you are.
Values are important because they help to define not only how you live, but who you are. Take Nelson Mandela. He chose forgiveness over revenge. After 27 years in prison, Mandela emerged with every reason to cling to anger. Instead, he chose reconciliation as a guiding value, helping dismantle apartheid (a system of legally enforced racial segregation) without plunging South Africa into civil war. Mandela said, “It is in your hands to create a better world for all who live in it.”
Exercise: Find Your Core Values
Following is a list of common values. Read through the values and select your top 10. Next, narrow your list down to five. Repeat this until you’ve narrowed your list to three values. These are your top guiding values in life, your core values. Write your own definition for each core value. This will help to further define what they mean to you. Below is a printable version of the list.
Master List of Values (A–Z)
- Abundance
- Acceptance
- Accountability
- Achievement
- Adventure
- Affection
- Ambition
- Appreciation
- Assertiveness
- Authenticity
- Balance
- Beauty
- Belonging
- Bravery
- Brotherhood
- Brilliance
- Calmness
- Caring
- Charity
- Clarity
- Collaboration
- Commitment
- Community
- Compassion
- Competence
- Confidence
- Connection
- Consciousness
- Consideration
- Contentment
- Contribution
- Cooperation
- Courage
- Courtesy
- Creativity
- Curiosity
- Decisiveness
- Delight
- Dependability
- Determination
- Devotion
- Dignity
- Discipline
- Diversity
- Education
- Effectiveness
- Efficiency
- Empathy
- Empowerment
- Endurance
- Enthusiasm
- Equality
- Excellence
- Excitement
- Experience
- Exploration
- Expressiveness
- Fairness
- Faith
- Family
- Fidelity
- Flexibility
- Forgiveness
- Fortitude
- Freedom
- Friendship
- Fun
- Generosity
- Gentleness
- Giving
- Grace
- Gratitude
- Growth
- Guidance
- Happiness
- Harmony
- Health
- Helpfulness
- Holiness
- Honesty
- Honor
- Hope
- Hospitality
- Humility
- Humor
- Imagination
- Independence
- Influence
- Initiative
- Innovation
- Insight
- Inspiration
- Integrity
- Intuition
- Joy
- Justice
- Kindness
- Knowledge
- Leadership
- Learning
- Liberty
- Listening
- Love
- Loyalty
- Meaning
- Mindfulness
- Moderation
- Motivation
- Nurturing
- Nonviolence
- Novelty
- Open-mindedness
- Optimism
- Order
- Originality
- Outspokenness
- Passion
- Patience
- Peace
- Perseverance
- Persistence
- Philanthropy
- Playfulness
- Poise
- Power
- Preparedness
- Presence
- Pride (Healthy Self-Respect)
- Professionalism
- Prosperity
- Purpose
- Quality
- Quietness
- Reliability
- Resilience
- Resourcefulness
- Respect
- Responsibility
- Reverence
- Rigor
- Safety
- Security
- Self-Awareness
- Self-Discipline
- Self-Expression
- Self-Reliance
- Sensitivity
- Service
- Simplicity
- Spirituality
If you find yourself getting stuck or are having trouble narrowing your list down, here are a few questions to ask to help define your core values:
- What moments in my life have made me feel most proud of myself?
- What achievements or experiences stand out as most meaningful in my past?
- How do I usually make decisions—what guides me when I’m unsure?
- What kinds of people do I admire or look up to, and why?
- What do I consistently prioritize, even when it’s hard?
- Which values would I fight for, even if unpopular or costly?
- What sacrifices am I not willing to make, no matter the reward?
Exercise: Live Your Values
The goal here is start practicing your values instead of just thinking about them. Over the next week, pick one of your core values or any value from your top 10, one that feels relevant now, and find a way to “live your value” by practicing it in everyday situations. First, define what this value looks like. Ask yourself, “What does this value actually look like in my life?” Don’t overwhelm yourself; pick one small, specific action per day. Do it even when you don’t feel like it. At the end of the week, look back and reflect. Do you notice any patterns?
Example: Living a Value
Let’s say one of your core values is kindness.
First, define what kindness means to you. For one person, kindness might mean being patient with others. For another, it might mean offering support when someone is struggling.
Next, choose one small action each day that puts that value into practice:
- Monday: Send a text to check on a friend.
- Tuesday: Let someone merge into traffic without getting frustrated.
- Wednesday: Thank a coworker for something they did well.
- Thursday: Listen without interrupting during a conversation.
- Friday: Leave a positive review for a local business.
- Saturday: Volunteer for an hour or help a neighbor.
- Sunday: Practice self-kindness by speaking to yourself as you would a friend.
Notice that none of these actions are dramatic. That’s the point. Values are usually expressed through small, consistent behaviors. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is alignment—bringing your actions a little closer to what matters most to you.
Final Thoughts on Core Values
Values are not just something you believe. They’re something you do. If a value never shows up in your behavior, it’s not guiding your life. It’s just an idea.
Core values only become real when they influence the choices you make, the habits you build, and the way you treat yourself and others. They reveal themselves not in what you say is important, but in what you consistently prioritize, especially when doing so is difficult or inconvenient.
By now, you should have a clearer sense of what matters to you—not in theory, but in practice. Values aren’t something you identify once and then forget. They require ongoing attention. As life changes, they help you make decisions, navigate uncertainty, and stay aligned with the person you want to become. They serve as a compass, pointing you toward a life that feels authentic and meaningful.