12 Hilarious Responses to Guests’ Negative Hotel Reviews

Beware leavers of negative hotel reviews: the guest experience manager at Hotel NYX is not afraid to call you out on your own bad behavior!

Humor is a powerful coping tool, and laughter can do wonders for our mental wellbeing. That’s why I couldn’t help but share these hilarious responses to negative hotel reviews, even though it’s a bit outside of my site’s niche.


While preparing for a weekend trip to Cancun, I decided to read reviews of the hotel I booked, with a special focus on the negative ones. I didn’t bother reading the hotel’s responses at first, but then this gem caught my eye:

“I am sorry that you were not able to reach your desired alcoholic state, but your health is very important to us.”

Warmest Regards, Guest Experience Manager

This clever response was to a reviewer who complained about not being able to get drunk (insinuating that the drinks were watered down).

After reading the first witty response, I couldn’t help but read all of the hotel’s responses to negative reviews. The elusive guest experience manager not only politely responds to every single review, but also does so in an artfully crafted way. His responses are a delicious concoction of apologetic concern and tact, perfected with a splash of snark. He always closes with the salutation, “Warmest Regards, Guest Experience Manager.”

The sarcasm is so subtle that it could potentially be attributed to a language barrier, but I’m convinced that’s not it. The guest experience manager is a mastermind with a great sense of humor.

Read the responses and decide for yourself!


Beware bad reviewers: the guest experience manager at Hotel NYX is not afraid to call you out on your own bad behavior!

Responses to Negative Hotel Reviews on TripAdvisor

1. To ronX4715NF, who left two stars because he asked to remain parked in the lot for a few hours after checking out and was told no, and then also asked to take a few items from the breakfast buffet to-go and was told no:

Thank you for sharing your review. Unfortunately, when you requested to use our parking lot, it was not at your check-out; rather, you informed us that you had been a guest of the hotel a few days ago and wanted to go to Plaza La Isla, but did not want to pay for parking at the mall. Since you were no longer a guest a few days ago, we cannot allow you to use our limited parking space, which our current guests need. I am sorry if that experience outside your stay has affected the good service you mentioned you enjoyed. We hope you will be able to visit us again and make use of all our facilities, and we look forward to welcoming you back.

2. To 933yushanh, who left two stars because there was a leak and no hot water in their room:

Thank you for taking the time to share your valuable review. I am sorry that your room had a leak during the raging [storm] that we had. In that type of situations, we definitely change the room in order to offer you better experience. However, we don’t have any information of requesting a change of room or informing the situation regarding the hot water. We really encourage our guest to inform front desk in order to assist them properly. We hope you can give us the opportunity to welcome you again and offer you a better stay.

3. To hectorh831, who left one star for the staff who were “unhelpful, unorganized, and not professional.” He also accused the hotel of not being gay-friendly.

Thank you for taking the time to share your valuable review. I am sorry that you didn’t enjoy your short stay with us. As your records informs, you did not appreciate the fact that our restaurants have a dress code. Gentlemen must wear a sleeve shirt. I am sorry if you perceive it as a personal attack. I am also aware that we gift you a NYX sleeve shirt in order to avoid any inconvenience with the restaurants, as you state that you had no other shirt than sleeveless. We can assure you that our hotels do not make any type of discrimination or difference regarding your personal preference. As a matter of a fact, we have many groups, events, and weddings of all genders, ethnicities, and nationalities. Therefore, your complaint is misplaced. We will always be glad to welcome you again, in order to pamper you.

4. To carolinaei13, who left one star because she was robbed of a small amount of money left in her backpack and then staff were unhelpful and not empathetic to her situation:

Thank you for taking the time to share your valuable review. I am truly sorry that you weren’t able to fully enjoy your stay with us. The first time that you report the situation to front desk, our receptionist explain to you the process when something is lost. After that, a security agent is in charge of taking the report, looking into the system to see who enter to the room, check the room and if you allow it, to make a thorough search of the room and your belongings, either to verify that the object or money is not there, or to find it, as it is often found among the belongings. Our receptionist has to translate everything to the security agent, I am sorry if you find her services as rude. Regarding the security report, our security supervisor accompanied you to your room to check your room badge and do the searching in your room, however, right there you decided that you would not let him in to do the check after he explained to you again about the process, refusing his services. By interrupting and rejecting the investigation, we cannot assist you further than that. It was also explained to you that you should make use of the safe box to store important items and/or money, otherwise the hotel cannot be held responsible. At the end, you were told to see a manager the next day. The room badge shows us that no staff enter the room because you left the “do not disturb” sign. Then you conjectured that someone may enter through the window. Security did check on the outside area of your room, however, there was no evidence to show that anyone tried to enter through the window, and most likely it is not possible without leaving traces or footprints. Your case was dismissed for lack of evidence and because you refused the entire security process. However, you were offered the necessary reports, so that if you wished, you could file a report with the police. Nevertheless, the manager did change your room and give you a free upgrade in order to make you feel safer, even thought there was no evidence. We regret the situation, however, we will always keep our arms open to welcome you back and pamper you.

5. To Bethany G, who left one star with her review, ‘WORKERS ARE THEIVES,’ in which she accused staff of stealing:

Thank you for taking the time to share with us your experience. We have taken all your feedback on board and this will be used constructively to perfect our future guests’ experience. We would like to comment that at no time were your belongings stolen, when you reported it, our staff found your belongings in the suitcase in front of you and after a day, you called the hotel to report that you forgot a hairdryer, when in fact there was nothing in the room. However, we appreciate your sincere feedback and it will be channeled to the relevant departments for follow-up.

Responses to Negative Hotel Reviews on Travelocity

6. To Charles, who commented on front desk staff and being given a hard time for not wearing a mask and was “kicked out” of the line while waiting to make dinner reservations by a rude staff person:

Thank you for sharing your kind review. We are really glad that you had enjoyed your stay with us, moreover, that you had enjoyed our food quality of our restaurants the attentive services that our staff offered you. I am sorry that you perceive her services as rude. Currently, all over the [world] we are facing a new COVID spread, and the reservation area is a very close environment where a lot of people gather in order to make reservations, as you known we have a policy at the hotel that in close areas and restaurants it is necessary to wear a facemask not only for our guest, for our staff as well. Nevertheless, checking our cameras, it is shown that you were kindly asked to wear a facemask, you said some unpleasant words and leave, at all time you were kindly a polite treated. We understand that waiting is not the best of the experiences, however, we are in a high season. I am sorry if that was an inconvenience. We hope you can visit us again, to pamper you even more.

7. To Aleksey, who commented on there being no amenities for kids, bad food, and disrespectful staff, and won’t be back:

Thank you for sharing your valuable review. We are really glad that you had enjoyed the good quality of our restaurants and bartenders, as well as the good services that our waiters offer you. I am sorry that you didn’t enjoy our Chianti restaurant, normally we have wonderful comments about it. Our is a family hotel, however we do not have a kids club, you can verify the information on the web. I am sorry that you perceive that our staff weren’t trained properly. As our report inform, you bring ya babysitter; for someone to enter the hotel, being a guest must register, if you are not a guest, you must pay a daypass, at the moment we do not have daypass due to high occupancy, so you were offered the rate of the extra person, you inform that was quite expensive, and we made an exception to give you the rate of the daypass, it was still not to your liking. We have to remember that this is high season and unfortunately no one enters the hotel without paying. I am sorry that this was an inconvenience. We hope you will give us the opportunity to serve you again, to offer you a better experience. Warmest regards.

8. To Dianko, who left one star due to the hotel having lots of stairs, and when his wife fell on the stairs and he reported it, no one showed up:

Thank you for take the time to share your valuable review. We hope that you were able to enjoy most of the good services that we have to offer. I am deeply sorry to read that your wife fell on the stairs close to your room on the 1st floor. Indeed, you report it, and in our records our front agent offer you assistance and first aid assistance from our security department in order to check your wife’s elbows and knees. However, you refuse the attention because you had dinner at Umami. She may assume that everything was fine. I apologize for the inconvenience. Nevertheless, we hope you can give us the opportunity to welcome you again in order to give you an even better experience and create better memories.

Responses to Negative Hotel Reviews on Booking.com

9. To Tracie, who commented on having issues with her room and there being invasive seaweed:

Thank you for sharing your kind review. We are really glad to read that you had a good stay in general, specially that you had enjoyed the quality of our breakfast. I am sorry if you had issues with your room, we always recommend informing front desk, so they can assist you and give you a proper solution. Unfortunately, we do not have any information regarding these issues. Unfortunately we cannot control the seaweed, we only can clean our beach area, however due to the hot season, the seaweed appears. Your comments are really important to us because it helps us to improve our services. We hope you can visit us again and offer you a better experience.

10. To Reico, who commented on the front desk staff being rude, having to ask them 5 times to fix the AC in the room until they were finally moved to a new room:

Thank you for sharing your valuable review. We are glad that you had enjoyed your comfortable room and the view, as well as the attentive service that our staff offered you. As our system reports shows, you were originally in a Deluxe Room. Our front agent sent several times a maintenance agent, regarding an issue with the thermostat of your room. Our technician were able to fix it, leaving the standard temperature of 21 °C, however, it seems it was not cold enough for you. Our front agent gift you a free upgrade to a Junior suite, that has an ocean view, in order to give you a better solution. I am sorry if you perceive a lack on their service. We hope you can visit us again to pamper you again.

11. To Saif, who left a poor rating because he did not enjoy anything at the hotel and commented that the beach was bad, and the manager was rude and had a horrible attitude:

Thank you very much for sharing your valuable comment. I am very sorry that you did not enjoy your stay. Normally, we have excellent feedback regarding the beauty of our beach, during the warm season the sea produce a lot of seaweed; we cleaned it every day. Nevertheless, we cannot control its growth. You booked a Deluxe room for 2 adults and 1 child; however, you arrived at the hotel with 6 people. We supported you by checking to see if you had another reservation, unfortunately, you only booked that room. Our manager gave you a special rate for the second Deluxe room, despite the high occupancy. Since you came with minors and for your convenience, you were given 2 free upgrades to a Junior Suite with ocean view for both rooms, in order to keep the 2 rooms together. Thus saving you $120 USD per day per room. I regret if you perceived this as a bad attitude from our management, however, at all times you were treated with respect and given the best options from the goodwill of our management. Unfortunately, we cannot give rooms for free. Even less if it is not the hotel’s responsibility.

12. To Lidia, who left one star in her review titled, ‘Horrible customer service,’ because they didn’t give her a king suite and instead put her in a 3-bathroom, 2-bedroom suite:

Thank you for taking the time to share with us your experience. We have taken all your feedback on board and this will be used constructively to perfect our future guests’ experience. We know that our colleague Estela from reception offered you a room with a single bathroom, a king size bed and a room for yourself but, unfortunately, you did not want to change your room. Our staff was attentive to all your needs and we regret that it was not enough. We hope you give us the chance to demonstrate you that our main goal is to create good experiences.


So, what do you think? Is the snark intentional? Is the guest experience manager passive aggressive or not?

Either way, I hope you enjoyed reading the guest experience manager’s responses as much as I did! Let me know what you think in the comments below.


50 Helpful YouTube Videos for Psychoeducation

A collection of 50+ short videos for psychoeducation on mental health topics for psychoeducational use with clients, students, or for self-help.

(Updated 2/13/24) A collection of 50+ short videos for psychoeducation on mental health topics for psychoeducational use with clients, students, or for self-help.

For additional video resources, see 18 Best TED Talks for Addiction & Recovery.



YouTube Videos for Psychoeducation

The Brain


Depression, Bipolar Disorder, & Anxiety


Emotions


Grief


Meditation & Mindfulness


Relationships & Communication



Self-Esteem & Self-Compassion


Stress


Substance Use & Addiction


Trauma & PTSD


videos for psychoeducation

12 Examples of Microaggressions that Target LGBTQ+ Individuals

12 common microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ individuals, why they’re harmful, and what to say instead.

Microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ individuals, both intentional and unintentional, are commonplace.

A microaggression is defined by Merriam-Webster (online dictionary) as “a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude toward a member of a marginalized group.”

The concept was originally coined by Harvard psychiatrist, Chester M. Pierce, in 1970 to describe the insults and dismissals he witnessed White Americans inflict on Black Americans. The term microaggression has since expanded to include other stigmatized and marginalized groups.

Microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ individuals are harmful and have been linked to serious mental health problems and suicide. What’s more, microaggressions contribute to stereotypes.


This article provides 12 examples of microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ persons.

To start, here are some useful glossary terms from The LGBT National Help Center.

The acronym LGBTQ+ stands for

  • Lesbian
  • Gay
  • Bisexual
  • Trans or Transgender
  • Queer or Questioning
  • [+] may represent Questioning or Agender, Bigender, Genderless, Gender Nonconforming, Gender Queer, Pangender, Pansexual, etc.
  • Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to other women (sexually, emotionally, and/or romantically)
  • Gay: An individual or a man who is attracted to individuals of the same gender
  • Bisexual: A person who is attracted to both men and women
  • Transgender: A person whose gender identity differs from the one assigned at birth
  • Queer: A reclaimed slur that refers to and celebrates individuals who are gay
  • Questioning: A person who is uncertain about or questioning their sexuality or gender identity. (Note: This is in reference to the internal conflict one experiences.)

Agender (or Genderless): Someone who does not identify with any gender (or as having a gender)

Bigender: An individual who identifies with two or more genders

Gender Nonconforming (or Gender Variant): Individuals who do not conform with society’s expectations of their gender role

Gender Queer (or Genderqueer): A person who identifies outside the gender categories of male and female

Pangender: Individuals who identify with two or more genders or with all/any genders (or as a non-male/non-female gender)

Pansexual: Someone who is capable of being attracted to all genders


The above list is in no way comprehensive. I recommend doing your own research. (Start with the resource section at the end of this article.)

Note that sexual orientation and gender identity are not the same thing. Sexual orientation refers to sexuality or attraction while gender identity refers to how a person views and thinks about themselves in terms of gender.

Source: Wikimedia Commons contributors, ‘File:1*YwY44v93qVAkje3 wADZkw@2x.png’, Wikimedia Commons, the free media repository.

When considering gender, imagine a gender spectrum vs. a binary consisting of male and female. This concept of gender spectrum is supported by scientific data.


12 Examples of Microaggressions that Target LGBTQ+ Individuals

1. “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”

This Christian slogan was intended to be catchy and humorous – while at the same time condemning gay men as unnatural. The indication is that God didn’t intend for people to be gay. Therefore, if you’re gay, you’re an abomination in God’s eyes.

2. Assuming that a gay man has multiple sexual partners.

Gay and promiscuous are not one and the same. The idea that a gay man sleeps with multiple men (as opposed to being in a committed relationship with one person) is a stereotype.

3. Forms that include checkboxes for male/female only and documents that use he/she (vs. they).

Limited-choice binary forms are microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ individuals and invalidate the 5.6% (about 6 out of every 100) Americans who don’t identify as either male or female.

4. “I went through a bisexual phase in college, but I got over it.”

This suggests that bisexuality is temporary and/or something that one can “get over.” Similarly, when someone who is bisexual is asked, “When are you just going to pick one?” – the indication is that bisexuality is a temporary state that ends when someone chooses one or the other. It’s insinuated that someone who is bisexual is indecisive or that bisexuality isn’t real, but something leading up to something real.

5. “What is your sexual preference?”

The word preference indicates choice. In reality, one doesn’t consciously choose to be sexually attracted to someone. It just happens.

No one wants to be ridiculed or discriminated against for being gay. (Oppositely, it’s in our very nature to seek acceptance and connection. We desire inclusion and belonging.)

Instead of “preference,” use orientation when talking about attraction.

6. Intentionally using the wrong pronouns.

The implication is that someone’s gender identity is wrong. This microaggression may be used to push a religious or political agenda, but it’s harmful to reduce a person to an agenda.

Furthermore, the intentional use of non-preferred pronouns is a form of bullying. Bullying may lead to poor mental health, substance use, and suicide.

Directing a transwoman/transman to a bathroom that doesn’t match their gender identity and/or the incorrect use of “ma’am/sir” are similar forms of this microaggression.

Since you won’t always know how an individual prefers to be addressed, keep it simple… just ask.

7. “Were you born boy or a girl?”

Like asking one’s “preference,” this microaggression targets LGBTQ+ individuals by implying that someone who doesn’t identify with their biological sex made a conscious choice to reject their biological sex.

Instead of “born boy or girl,” someone’s biological sex should be referred to as assigned gender.

8. Automatically assuming that something happened to the individual (i.e., childhood sexual abuse, domestic violence, etc.) that “made” them the way they are.

This microaggression implies that a person is LGBTQ+ because something bad happened to them. The assumption tolerates a person’s LGBTQ+ identification, but only to excuse it. (For example: “She became a lesbian because she was tired of dating chauvinistic jerks.”) This discredits the complexity of sexual orientation and gender identity.

9. “I’ll pray for you, but I can’t condone your choices.”

The idea that being LGBTQ+ is a sin implies that it’s a willful act against God. In reality, being LGBTQ+ is not a choice.

10. “How do you know you don’t like [men/women] if you haven’t tried?”

Sexual orientation is not the same as taking a car for a test drive or trying on pairs of jeans. You wouldn’t question a straight man about his relationship with a woman or encourage him to have sex with at least one man before committing to marriage.

11. “Who’s the man and who’s the woman in the relationship?”

This implies that relationships are defined by stereotypical gender roles. It undermines non-traditional relationships, suggesting that for a relationship to be legitimate, there must be a male and female.

12. “I never would have known you’re transgender! You’re totally passable as a [man/woman].”

You wouldn’t compliment a lady by telling her she’s “passable” as a woman.

Also, take a moment to consider insecurities you have about your looks. Have you ever struggled with body image or felt self-conscious? Imagine being in the wrong body!

Conclusion

In sum, microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ individuals can be unintentional or well-meaning, but when LGBTQ+ persons are subjected to microaggressions time after time, it’s damaging. What’s more, microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ individuals contribute to stigma and perpetuate false stereotypes.

Microaggressions that target the LGBTQ+ population thrive in environments where it is acceptable to:

  • Voice judgments about a person’s morality
  • Discredit or devalue someone’s personal experience
  • Bully or intimidate
  • Make invasive comments about a person’s sexual relationships

To conclude, microaggressions that target LGBTQ+ persons are harmful. You can prevent using them by increasing your awareness.


LGBTQ+ Resources


microaggressions that target LGBTQ+

The Startling Truth About Political Affiliation & Personality

Research indicates that personality is a strong predictor of political affiliation. This article explores conservative and liberal characteristics.

Research indicates that personality is a strong predictor of political affiliation, leading to the question: What personality traits are associated with modern liberalism versus conservatism?

This article is based on scientific research. It explores the clashing personality characteristics of the left and the right in America. And if you’re reading this now and doubting that science can predict political affiliation, chances are, you lean to the right! Read on to find out more…

Liberalism Versus Conservatism

Liberalism is “a political and moral philosophy based on liberty, consent of the governed, and equality before the law” (Wikipedia, 2021). Modern liberalism in America “combines ideas of civil liberty and equality with support for social justice and a mixed economy.” 

Meanwhile, the foundations of American conservatism (defined as “a political and social philosophy promoting traditional social institutions” [Wikipedia, 2021]), are based on four fundamental concepts: liberty, tradition and order, the rule of law, and belief in God (Intercollegiate Studies Institute).

Morals & Values

Liberals and conservatives differ in morals and values, with empathy being a notably distinct value that designates the left as ‘bleeding heart’ liberals. In fact, research indicates that when a person’s ability to empathize increases, they shift to having a more liberal perspective.

Conservatives, on the other hand, are more concerned with duty and order, valuing the ability to exert personal self-control to meet the demands of self and others.

Regarding spirituality and belief in God, conservatives are more religious, more likely to pray, and more likely to attend church, while liberals are more likely to lean towards atheism. What’s more, Republicans tend to believe that belief in God is necessary for morals while Democrats believe morals can exist without religion.

In one study, liberals were found to value care and fairness more while conservatives were more likely to value loyalty, authority, and sanctity. Also, Democrats exhibit more creativity than their Republican counterparts, who prefer certainty and clarity.

Additional research suggests that conservatives value structure, simplicity, and tradition. Republicans place greater emphasis on stability. Meanwhile, the ‘bleeding-heart’ liberal cares more about openness, compassion, and equality. Democrats place greater emphasis on progress and innovation.

Intelligence, Thinking Style, & Problem-Solving

Regarding political affiliation and intelligence, one study found that liberals and non-religious individuals have higher IQ’s than conservatives and religious individuals. In contrast, other research suggested that individuals who identified as Republican had greater probability knowledge, higher verbal reasoning ability, and better question comprehension.

Regardless of political affiliation, mental rigidity (i.e., ‘black-and-white’ thinking) is characteristic of individuals who identify as either far left or far right (extremist views).

When it comes to problem-solving, conservatives are more structured and persistent. Conversely, liberals are more flexible, and tend to think outside the box. Also, Democrats are better at tolerating complexity and ambiguity than Republicans, and are more influenced by emotions.

Not surprisingly, both liberals and conservatives struggle to think logically when it comes to arguments attacking their political beliefs. However, researchers found that liberals were better at recognizing flaws in conservative arguments, and conservatives at identifying flaws in liberal reasoning.

Political Affiliation & Fear

Liberals and conservatives experience fear differently. Conservatives have a greater fear of death (which enhances their need for security). While Republicans fear chaos and the absence of order, Democrats tend to fear emptiness.

In one study, when asked about a world where God doesn’t exist, conservatives expressed fear that tradition and order would fall apart, resulting in chaos. Liberals, on the other hand, feared a world without God as barren, lifeless, and devoid of beauty or meaning.

What’s more, neuroscientists found that Republicans and Democrats processed risk differently, although they did not differ in the risks they took. Liberals showed significantly greater activity in the brain region associated with social and self-awareness. Meanwhile, conservatives showed significantly greater activity in the brain region involved in the body’s fight-or-flight system.

Another key difference between Democrats and Republicans is in what they worry about. For example, Democrats are more concerned about climate change while Republicans fear big government and worry more about terrorism.

Temperament, Happiness, & Disgust

A person’s temperament, including how they experience things like happiness and disgust, predicts political affiliation.

Temperament in childhood may predict political ideology in adulthood. Children with fearful temperaments are more likely to be politically conservative as adults. Contrastingly, children with higher levels of activity and focus are more likely to develop liberal views in adulthood.

When it comes to happiness, research indicates that political conservatives are happier than liberals. What’s more, Republicans tend to have happier marriages and are less likely to divorce than Democrats.

However, one study found that compared to conservatives, liberals are more likely to smile genuinely and use ‘happier’ (positive) language.

Other research suggests that compared to Democrats, Republicans are more alert to negativity and spend more time focusing on the negative (but do not seem to be negatively impacted by it).

Interestingly, research indicates that compared to liberals, conservatives experience disgust more easily and intensely, and have stronger physiological reactions when they are repulsed. Similar research suggests that disgust may influence moral judgement.

Political Affiliation & Language

The words we use in everyday conversations are positively associated with political affiliation. There are a few key differences in language and speech patterns of conservatives and liberals. Republicans are more likely to use language that stresses clarity and predictability while Democrats use emotionally expressive language and have a preference for poetry.

In an analysis of U.S. presidential speech transcripts, conservatives demonstrated a preference for nouns, and tended to refer to things by name rather than providing a description of their features. (Example: “He is an adventurer” versus “He is adventurous.”) It was determined that the use of nouns over adjectives was a way to promote stability, familiarity, and tradition.

On Twitter, liberals swear more (with ‘f**k’ and ‘sh*t’ in their top ten most used words) and are more likely than conservatives to use emotionally expressive language and to express both positive feelings and anxiety. Meanwhile, conservatives are more likely to tweet about religion, with ‘God’ and ‘psalm’ as popular words. What’s more, liberals on Twitter are more likely than conservatives to use words like ‘I’ and ‘me,’ while conservatives use ‘we’ and ‘our’ more.

Political Affiliation & Trust in Science

Liberals and conservatives differ in how trusting they are when it comes to science and empirical data. Some research indicates that compared to liberals, conservatives are less trusting of the scientific community. Additionally, conservatives are more skeptical of the value of empirical data. Liberals, on the other hand, tend to be more optimistic about knowledge gained from scientific research and its potential applications.

Other research found that while Democrats are generally more ‘pro-science’ than other political parties, Republicans trust science with the exception of the following issues: global warming, evolution, gay adoption, and mandatory health insurance.

Regarding science bias, research suggests that both Democrats and Republicans are less likely to trust science when it does not align with their political beliefs.

Additional Traits by Political Affiliation



Conclusion

In sum, there is plenty of evidence to suggest that personality is a strong predictor of political affiliation. Liberals and conservatives tend to have different values, thinking styles, temperaments, and emotional experiences.

While partisan differences may contribute to a polarized divide in America, this doesn’t have to be the norm. Rather, differing perspectives can be complementary and maintain balance.

Liberal… conservative… or somewhere in between… try to learn from opposing viewpoints and aim to value differences, regardless of political affiliation!

political affiliation

References

Aarhus University. (2015, November 24). Republicans prefer politicians with deep voices. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/11/151124112136.htm

American Psychological Association. (2018, December 20). Certain moral values may lead to more prejudice, discrimination. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/12/181220104506.htm

American Sociological Association. (2010, February 24). Liberals and atheists smarter? Intelligent people have values novel in human evolutionary history, study finds. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/02/100224132655.htm

Americans Still See Big Government as Top Threat (gallup.com)

Association for Psychological Science. (2012, October 22). Parenting and temperament in childhood predict later political ideology. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/10/121022162655.htm

Association for Psychological Science. (2013, February 12). Name-brand or generic? Your political ideology might influence your choice. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/02/130212131953.htm

Bixter, M. T. (2015). Happiness, political orientation, and religiosity. Personality and Individual Differences, 72, 7-11. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0191886914004553

Carl, N. (2014). Cognitive ability and party identity in the United States. Intelligence, 47, 3-9. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160289614001081

Cornell University. (2009, June 5). Easily Grossed Out? You Might Be A Conservative!. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/06/090604163620.htm

Georgia State University. (2018, September 20). Commitment to democratic values predict climate change concern, study finds. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/09/180920161057.htm

Michigan State University. (2020, September 16). The unintended consequence of becoming empathetic. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/09/200916131030.htm

Northwestern University. (2008, September 25). Political Conservatives Fear Chaos; Liberals Fear Emptiness. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/09/080924124549.htm

Northwestern University. (2016, March 15). Conservatives and liberals do think differently: Research shows different ways of solving everyday problems linked to political ideology. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/03/160315120953.htm

Ohio State University. (2015, February 9). Both Liberals, Conservatives Can Have Science Bias. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150209113001.htm

Pew Research Center, June, 2014, “Beyond Red vs. Blue: The Political Typology”

Pew Research Center, June, 2014, “Political Polarization in the American Public”

Pew Research Center, September, 2017, “Partisans Differ Widely in Views of Police Officers, College Professors”

Pew Research Center, October, 2017, “Political Typology Reveals Deep Fissures on the Right and Left”

Pew Research Center, August, 2020, “Americans See Skepticism of News Media as Healthy, Say Public Trust in the Institution can Improve”

Pew Research Center, September, 2020, “In Views of U.S. Democracy, Widening Partisan Divides Over Freedom to Peacefully Protest”

Pew Research Center – Democrats more likely to say having an ethical president is very important

Pew Research Center – How use of Facebook, Twitter, other social media sites differs by party (or not)

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Terrorism Fears Drive More in U.S. to Avoid Crowds (gallup.com)

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Rape Culture Explained: The Role of Toxic Blame

Rape culture ideology explains how society normalizes sexual violence while blaming the victim. This is an article about rape culture and how it influences sexual violence.

According to Wikipedia, “rape culture is a sociological concept for a setting in which rape is pervasive and normalized due to societal attitudes about gender and sexuality.”

Rape-culture attitudes/behaviors include victim-blaming, slut-shaming, sexual objectification of women, trivialization of sexual assault, denial of widespread rape, and dismissal of the devastating impact of sexual violence.


The following comments embody rape culture in America:

“In MOST cases (not all), the women raped are hoes dressed in some sleazy material and whine about being taking advantage of later.”

“There is no rape culture. There is such a small percentage of men that rape women, there cannot be a culture. [Rape] isn’t even remotely common.”

“It doesn’t matter if you urge or try to teach [men not to rape], they are going to do what they are going to do. It’s best to be prepared, it’s that simple.”

“To make the implication that a woman can dress and act how she wants and not expect a wolf to find her… is just damn ignorant… you don’t go flaunting fresh meat in front of a primal animal and expect it not to attack.”


The above quotes (edited for spelling/typos) are statements from two middle-aged men in response to a Facebook post. The Facebook post proclaimed that women are routinely urged to cover their drinks, to not walk alone at night, to carry pepper spray, etc., and then posed the question, “CAN WE PLEASE URGE MEN TO NOT SEXUALLY ASSAULT WOMEN?”

Ironically, the very comments intended to disprove rape culture provided proof of its existence (and ugliness).


Rape Culture in America

“Women are no more important than any other potential victims, but we are the primary targets of the messages and myths that sustain rape culture. We’re the ones asked to change our behavior, limit our movements, and take full responsibility for the prevention of sexual violence in society.”

Kate Harding (Author)

How common is rape and/or sexual assault in America?

To start, what are the statistics on sexual violence in the U.S.?

Every 73 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted.

According to the 2015 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey:

  • 43.6% of American women have experienced some form of sexual aggression.
  • 1 in 5 women are victims of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime.
  • Each year, there are an estimated 5,600,000 victims of sexual violence in the United States.

81.3% of women who experienced sexual violence said it first occurred prior to age 25.

According to the Association of American Universities (AAU) Survey on Sexual Assault and Misconduct:

  • 1 in 4 undergraduate women were victims of sexual assault while enrolled in college (compared to 6.8% of undergraduate men).
  • 41.8% of students experienced at least one incident of sexual harassment since enrollment.

Additionally, a 2015 study indicated that 20% of surveyed college men committed some form of sexual assault. Other researchers found that nearly 1 in 10 persons ages 21 and younger perpetrated some type of forced sexual violence.


According to the Uniform Crime Report from the FBI, there were an estimated 139,380 rapes (including attempted rapes) reported to law enforcement in 2018.

It should be noted that the Uniform Crime Report from the FBI under-represents actual incidents of rapes and does not account for other forms of sexual violence. Since most rapes are not reported to the police, the federal government relies on three data collection systems to measure sexual victimization: The Bureau of Justice Statistics’ National Crime Victimization Survey, the CDC National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, and the CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System. (For additional sources of reliable data, look to peer-reviewed academic journals and credible sites such as RAINN.)

Per a 2013 report from the U.S. Department of Justice:

  • Only a third of all rape crimes are reported to the police.
  • Reasons for not reporting:
    • Fear of retaliation (from either the perpetrator or society)
    • Believing the police will not (or cannot) help
    • Believing rape is a personal or shameful matter
    • Not wanting to get the perpetrator in trouble

What’s more, reporting rape in itself can be traumatizing, a “second rape.” To avoid this, many women choose not to report.

The Impact of Sexual Violence

As reported by the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN):

  • Rape victims are at an increased risk for:
    • Experiencing PTSD symptoms during the two weeks following the incident (94%)
    • Contemplating suicide (33%)
    • Attempting suicide (13%)
    • Using illicit drugs
    • Experiencing problems at work or school (38%)
    • Experiencing relationship problems with family/friends (37%)

According to research and data from the 2011 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey:

  • The estimated lifetime cost of rape is $122,461 per victim, or a population economic burden of nearly $3.1 trillion over victims’ lifetimes.
  • Government sources pay an estimated $1 trillion (32%) of the lifetime economic burden.

What is rape culture?

The concept of rape culture was formulated in the 1970s as a feminist, sociological theory. Rape culture ideology explains how society normalizes male sexual violence while blaming the victim. Additional practices/attitudes that contribute to rape culture include slut-shaming, objectifying women, trivializing rape, denying that widespread rape exists, and minimizing the impact of sexual violence.

Normalizing Rape & Sexual Assault

“[Rape is] unfortunately the nature of the world we live in. Is it not?”

The above comment normalizes sexual violence – it endorses rape as an inevitable fact of life. As a result, emphasis is placed on teaching girls and young women self-defense, vigilance, and modesty. This allows for sexual violence prevention programs to teach “don’t get raped… instead of: don’t rape.” Meanwhile, preventative strategies such as early sex education and interventions for treating aggressive behaviors receive less attention.

For myself, I was taught to yell in a deep voice if assaulted and to not scream. (Supposedly, a high-pitched scream would sexually excite the perpetrator, but a low voice would turn him off.) Also, I carried my keys in hand at night… not so much as to open my car door in a rush, but to stab my attacker in the eye.

“Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth and it happens every few minutes. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.”

Kurt Cobain

Years later, I took a self-defense class. It was both challenging and empowering. The instructor, before teaching any moves, stressed that to avoid being a victim, the best option is always, always… to run. Self-defense should be used as a last resort.

Self-defense may come in handy, but it’s not a solution to sexual violence. The ultimate goal is not to normalize or defend against, but to eradicate. Rape is not the norm.

Victim-Blaming & Slut-Shaming

“In MOST cases (not all), the women raped are hoes dressed in some sleazy material and whine about being taking advantage of later.”

In a single sentence, the above commenter blames the victim, slut shames, objectifies women (which he later refers to as “fresh meat”), and trivializes the harmful consequences of rape. He implies that “hoes” (i.e., women who enjoy frequent or casual sex) who wear immodest attire should expect or even deserve to be assaulted. He trivializes the harmful impact of sexual violence when he uses the word “whine,” as though rape is a detested chore, not a traumatic and life-altering experience.

Both victim-blaming and slut-shaming contribute to rape culture. What’s more, some women choose to not report sexual assault because they fear the backlash (being blamed or labeled as promiscuous).


Victim-blaming defined is the attitude that the victim of a crime, not the perpetrator, is responsible for the attack. It’s assumed that the victim did something to provoke the assailant or that they somehow deserved what happened (because of the way they were dressed, how they flirted, etc.)

“She told me that my rape was not my fault, that I should feel no shame, that – simple as it may sound – I hadn’t caused it. No one causes rape but rapists. No one causes rape but rapists. No one causes rape but rapists. It was true. And it had not been obvious to me. And hearing it from someone else, a professional, someone who should know, helped me believe that soon I would believe it.”

Aspen Matis (Author)
Characteristics and factors associated with blaming the victim include

Male characteristics:

  • Endorsement of traditional views of gender roles,
  • Acceptance of gender stereotypes (i.e., “It’s not ‘ladylike’ for women to desire sex” or “Women who resist are only playing ‘hard to get'”),
  • Conservative religious beliefs,
  • Politically conservative views,
  • Compulsive sexual behavior,
  • The belief that rape isn’t “real” if it occurs in a marriage or relationship, and
  • Believing rape myths to be true.

And other factors contributing to victim-blaming:

  • There is a perceived threat to the assailant’s masculinity,
  • The victim is wearing tight, revealing, or sexually suggestive attire,
  • The victim is viewed as promiscuous,
  • If either the victim or the attacker were intoxicated at the time,
  • It’s perceived that the victim did not resist or fight hard enough,
  • If the assailant uses little or no force,
  • Sexual objectification of women in society, and
  • The media’s portrayal of what constitutes “real” rape (i.e., “stranger rape” vs. date or acquaintance rape).

A more subtle form of victim-blaming is placing all the focus on victim with victim-focused (instead of perpetrator-focused) preventative tips. For example, if a woman is advised to avoid empty parking garages, never leave her drink unattended, etc., and then slips up (i.e., her appointment ran late and she has to walk to car alone or she leaves her drink when taking an urgent call during a date), she is faulted (and may blame herself) for her carelessness.

“Women don’t get raped because they were drinking or took drugs. Women do not get raped because they weren’t careful enough. Women get raped because someone raped them.

Jessica Valenti, The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women

Only the rapist is at fault for committing a sex crime, never the victim, regardless of circumstances.


The definition of slut-shaming is “the practice of criticizing people, especially women and girls, who are perceived to violate expectations of behavior and appearance regarding issues related to sexuality.”

Slut-shaming seeks to humiliate, admonish, or degrade a person. Women are harshly judged for so-called loose sexual behaviors while men are not held to a similar standard.

Women as Sexual Objects

Objectification of women reduces them to sex objects that exist primarily for sexual pleasure. Interpersonal objectification is commonplace, and occurs in the form of unwanted body evaluation and/or advances (i.e., catcalls, leering, sexually suggestive remarks about a woman’s appearance, etc.) Sexual objectification also occurs in the media when women are depicted as sex symbols. Sex objectification is both harmful and dehumanizing.

Men who view females as sexual objects have a diminished ability to feel empathy for them and an increased rate of aggression towards women and girls. Research also indicates that men who objectify women or see them as animals are more likely to rape and sexually harass women. They’re also more likely to have negative views of female rape victims.

What’s more, women who are objectified may experience increased rates of mental illness; including depression, anxiety, and eating disorders; shame; and reduced productivity.

The Denial of Widespread Rape

We routinely reject unpleasant truths and information that threaten our worldview. This allows for the dismissal of commonplace rape and sexual assault in America. It’s easier to view rape as a rare and/or fully preventable occurrence.

Moreover, humans require more information to believe in something they do not want to believe. For example, if you deny widespread rape based on FBI stats alone or personal experience, you may not accept the reality without multiple, additional sources of information. And due to confirmation bias, you are unlikely to seek it out.

Rape culture normalizes sexual violence as a fact of life while at the same time dismissing how commonplace its occurrence is.

Trivializing Rape

Rape jokes and sexist humor trivialize sexual violence and encourage victim-blaming. Research indicates that exposure to sexist jokes may increase a man’s proclivity for rape. While no one is suggesting that rape jokes cause rape, they do contribute to rape culture.

What’s more, sexist humor may be a way to express real aggressive tendencies or prejudices against women under the guise of a joke.

Rape culture also trivializes the devastating impact of rape. To refer to rape as “just sex” or to tell someone to “get over it already” minimizes the severe consequences of sexual violence.

Traits Associated with Rape Culture

The acceptance of rape myths, which are damaging and unfounded beliefs about rape and sexual violence, contributes to rape culture.

What are some common rape myths?

Rape myths

  • It’s the victim’s fault due to her actions or appearance. (This is victim-blaming.)
  • Men rape women due to sexual desire and the need for sexual gratification.
  • If the woman is drunk or high, it isn’t rape.
  • Women who dress in revealing or tight clothes are “asking for it.”
  • If the woman doesn’t fight back, it isn’t rape. (In reality, severe trauma may cause a “freeze” response.)
  • Individuals that commit rape are unable to stop themselves (due to uncontrollable lust).
  • Most perpetrators are strangers.
  • Women commonly falsify rape out of spite or to get revenge. (An estimated 2-10% of rape allegations are false.)
  • Women frequently lie about rape to get attention.
  • Women frequently lie about rape when they regret having sex with someone.
  • Women secretly enjoy being raped.
  • Women can prevent rape by avoiding dangerous areas.
  • Only certain types of women get raped.
  • “Good guys” don’t rape.

“They are all innocent until proven guilty. But not me. I am a liar until I am proven honest.”

Louise O’Neill, Asking For It

Furthermore, there are certain assailant characteristics/beliefs that contribute to misconceptions about sexual violence, promoting rape culture.

Research indicates that the following traits/views/behaviors are linked to rape myth acceptance:

Rape Culture and Sexual Violence

How does rape culture contribute to sexual violence?

For one, men who subscribe to rape misconceptions are more likely to be perpetrators of rape. Research indicates that the acceptance of rape myths is a risk factor for sexual violence. Furthermore, researchers found that justifying a sexual assault with rape-supporting attitudes predicted future incidents of sexual aggression.

Sex objectification, specifically, is linked to increased incidents of rape and acceptance of sexual violence. What’s more, rape culture in the media predicts the frequency of rape and even influences the criminal justice system.

Bottom Line: Rape culture promotes sexual aggression. And if you contribute to rape culture, you’re contributing to sexual victimization in America.

“Standing behind predators makes prey of us all.”

DaShanne Stokes

Anti-Rape Culture

To create a culture of anti-rape, we must eradicate rape culture beliefs, practices, and attitudes. Furthermore, we must find a solution-focused approach that aims to eliminate or reduce sexual violence.

Empowerment/assertiveness, sexual assault resistance, and self-defense training programs for women can help to reduce incidences of rape and other forms of victimization. Learning self-defense can also help to increase confidence levels.

Additionally, anti-violence education plays a crucial role in dismantling rape culture. Evidence suggests that early education and strength-based prevention strategies, including school-based, community-based, and parent-based interventions, are effective at reducing sexual violence. High-school programs that provide social support may help to reduce incidences of sexual assault. However, research suggests that for prevention programs to be effective, they must be theory-driven and comprehensive with varied teaching methods.

For young adults (post-high school), ongoing educational strategies effectively reduce rape myth acceptance and sexual aggression. Educational training programs for college-aged men have successfully changed harmful attitudes and rape-acceptance beliefs that contribute to rape. One study found that web-based trainings aimed at college-aged men reduced campus rape. Moreover, bystander intervention programs may help to reduce sexual assault. College courses specifically focused on violence against women may also be effective at changing attitudes of both rape and rape victims.


According to the CDC, strategies for ending sexual violence include the following:

  • Promote Social Norms that Protect Against Violence
  • Teach Skills to Prevent Sexual Violence
  • Provide Opportunities to Empower and Support Girls and Women
  • Create Protective Environments
  • Support Victims/Survivors to Lessen Harms

An integrated approach that combines early prevention strategies, sex education, ongoing educational programs, and self-defense and empowerment training for women may be the key to creating a counterculture to rape culture, and ultimately eliminating widespread sexual victimization in America.

Conclusion

In sum, sexual violence against women is commonplace and underreported in America. Rape culture contributes to this issue by normalizing male sexual violence, victim-blaming, slut-shaming, sexually objectifying women, trivializing rape, denying the existence of widespread rape, and minimizing the harm caused by sexual violence.

As a way to reduce sexually violent crimes in America, we should focus on strategies that dismantle rape culture, target potential perpetrators, and teach women empowerment and assertiveness. An integrated approach is needed to eliminate rape and sexual assault.

In the very least, take a stand, educate yourself, stay informed, and don’t participate in rape culture!

rape culture

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  • Thacker, L. K. (2017). Rape culture, victim blaming, and the role of media in the criminal justice system. Kentucky Journal of Undergraduate Scholarship, 1(1), 89-99.
  • Thomae, M., & Pina, A. (2015). Sexist humor and social identity: The role of sexist humor in men’s in-group cohesion, sexual harassment, rape proclivity, and victim blame. Humor: International Journal of Humor Research, 28(2), 187–204.
  • Thomae, M., & Viki, G. T. (2013). Why did the woman cross the road? The effects of sexist humor on men’s rape proclivity. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology, 7(3), 250-269.
  • Trottier, D., Benbouriche, M., & Bonneville, V. (2021). A meta-analysis on the association between rape myth acceptance and sexual coercion perpetration. Journal of Sex Research58(3), 375–382.
  • Uniform Crime Report: Crime in the United States, 2018 (FBI)
  • University of California – Los Angeles. (2015). Men who buy sex have much in common with sexually coercive men: Findings support decades of research. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/08/150831163847.htm
  • University of Georgia. (2016). Narcissism linked to sexual assault perpetration in college, study finds. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/03/160329184953.htm
  • University of Pittsburgh. (2019). High social support associated with less violence among male teens in urban neighborhoods. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/09/190913111348.htm
  • University of Vienna. (2018). Objectification of women results in lack of empathy: Empathetic brain responses reduced in sexualized representations of women, study finds. ScienceDaily. Retrieved from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/01/180111090832.htm
  • Vasquez, E. A., Ball, L., Loughnan, S., & Pina, A. (2017). The object
  • of my aggression: Sexual objectification increases physical aggression towards women. Aggressive Behavior, 44(1), 5-17.
  • Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics | RAINN
  • Vonderhaar, R. L., & Carmody, D. C. (2015). There are no “innocent victims”: The influence of just world beliefs and prior victimization on rape myth acceptance. Journal of Interpersonal Violence30(10), 1615–1632.
  • Wegner, R., Abbey, A., Pierce, J., Pegram, S. E., & Woerner, J. (2015). Sexual assault perpetrators’ justifications for their actions: Relationships to rape supportive attitudes, incident characteristics, and future perpetration. Violence Against Women21(8), 1018–1037.
  • Weir, K. (2017). Why we believe alternative facts. Monitor on Psychology48(5). Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/05/alternative-facts
  • Wikipedia contributors. (2020, December 22). Rape myth. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Rape_myth&oldid=995643067
  • Wikipedia contributors. (2021, February 4). Slut-shaming. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Slut-shaming&oldid=1004814383
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16 Best e-Newsletters for Therapists

This is a list of the 16 best e-newsletters for therapists and other mental health workers (selected for quality/relevancy of content and usefulness).

This is a list of the 16 best email newsletters for therapists, other mental health workers, students, and consumers. These e-newsletters were selected for quality/relevancy of content and usefulness of resources.

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.”

Albert Einstein

Please repost this and/or share with anyone you think could benefit from these resources!

16 Best e-Newsletters for Therapists

Newsletters are categorized based on target population: General/nonspecific and trauma-informed newsletters for therapists and counseling students, newsletters for addiction professionals, newsletters for both mental health professionals and consumers, and newsletters for research news.


For additional resources for therapists (posted on this site), see Free Online Education for Mental Health Professionals, Professional Membership Organizations for Mental Health Professionals, and Resources for Mental Health Professionals.

Mental Health Counselors & Students

General/nonspecific and trauma-informed e-newsletters

ACEs Connection Daily Digest

Site/Organization: ACEs Connection

Site Statement: “ACEs Connection is a social network that recognizes the impact of a wide variety of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in shaping adult behavior and health, and that promotes trauma-informed and resilience-building practices and policies in all families, organizations, systems and communities. We support communities to accelerate the science of adverse childhood experiences to solve our most intractable problems. We believe that we can create a resilient world where people thrive.”

Best for: News/articles about trauma and Webinar opportunities

Center for Complicated Grief Newsletter for Professionals

Site/Organization: Center for Complicated Grief at Columbia School of Social Work

Site Statement: “Receive the latest in industry news, therapy techniques, and new developments in Complicated Grief. New articles are added and updated regularly.”

Best for: Free Webinar opportunities and news

National Council Newsletter

Site/Organization: National Council for Behavioral Health

Site Statement: “The National Council for Behavioral Health is the unifying voice of America’s health care organizations that deliver mental health and addictions treatment and services. Together with our 3,381 member organizations serving over 10 million adults, children and families living with mental illnesses and addictions, the National Council is committed to all Americans having access to comprehensive, high-quality care that affords every opportunity for recovery.”

Best for: Webinar opportunities, trainings, news, and other resources

Psychiatric News Update

Site/Organization: American Psychiatric Association

Site Statement:Psychiatric News Update is a weekly e-newsletter bringing you up-to-the-moment news about APA news; services, programs, and educational materials available to APA members; and links to the latest research reports in the American Journal of Psychiatry, Psychiatric News, and Psychiatric Services.”

Best for: News/research and training opportunities (free for members)

Psychiatry Advisor Update

Site/Organization: Psychiatry Advisor (from Haymarket Medical Network)

Site Statement: “Psychiatry Advisor offers psychiatric healthcare professionals a comprehensive knowledge base of practical psychiatry information and resources to assist in making the right decisions for their patients. Creating your free account with Psychiatry Advisor allows you access to exclusive content, including case studies, drug information, CME and more across our growing network of clinical sites.”

Best for: News and articles related to psychotropic medications, and training opportunities

Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy e-Newsletter

Site/Organization: Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy

Site Statement: “A strong voice for psychotherapy and home for psychotherapists, the Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy is committed to preserving and expanding the theoretical and evidentiary base for psychotherapy and psychotherapeutic relationships, supporting life-long learning of psychotherapeutic skills, as well as making the benefits of psychotherapy accessible to all. The Society is an international community of practitioners, scholars, researchers, teachers, health care specialists, and students who are interested in and devoted to the advancement of the practice and science of psychotherapy. Our mission is to provide an active, diverse, and vital community and to generate, share, and disseminate the rapidly accumulating evidence base in clinical science and practice.”

Best for: News and research

Addiction Professionals

Addiction & Recovery eNews

Site/Organization: Association for Addiction Professionals (NAADAC)

Site Statement:Addiction & Recovery eNews is a bi-weekly newsletter delivering trending and breaking news, innovations, research and trends impacting the addiction-focused profession to over 48,000 addiction professionals every other Friday.”

Best for: Training (both free and low-cost) opportunities, news, and employment postings

ASAM Weekly

Site/Organization: American Society of Addiction Medicine

Site Statement: “The ASAM Weekly is a source of timely, useful news briefings of top stories for addiction medicine combined with ASAM developments in education, advocacy, state chapter news and more. ASAM Weekly is a great way to keep informed and is delivered to the inboxes of ASAM members every Tuesday.”

Best for: News and articles about addiction medicine

Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation Emails – Resources for Professionals

Site/Organization: Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation

Site Statement: “The Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation is a force of healing and hope for individuals, families and communities affected by addiction to alcohol and other drugs… With a legacy that began in 1949 and includes the 1982 founding of the Betty Ford Center, the Foundation today also encompasses a graduate school of addiction studies, a publishing division, an addiction research center, recovery advocacy and thought leadership, professional and medical education programs, school-based prevention resources and a specialized program for children who grow up in families with addiction. Stay up-to-date on the latest addiction treatment trends, research and practices as well as news about Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation’s facilities, events and staff with Clinical Connection, [a] bi-monthly e-newsletter.”

Best for: Free Webinar opportunities, online courses, news, and podcasts

National Harm Reduction Coalition

Site/Organization: National Harm Reduction Coalition

Site Statement: “National Harm Reduction Coalition is a nationwide advocate and ally for people who use drugs. We are a catalyst and incubator, repository and hub, storyteller and disseminator for the collective wisdom of the harm reduction community.”

Best for: Resources, free Webinars, news

Partnership to End Addiction Emails (for Professionals or Family Members/Caregivers)

Site/Organization: Partnership to End Addiction

Site Statement: “Partnership to End Addiction is a result of the cohesive joining of two pioneering and preeminent addiction-focused organizations — Center on Addiction and Partnership for Drug-Free Kids. We combine our depth of expertise with our compassion-driven, hands-on approach to deliver solutions to individuals and families and proactively take action to incite productive change. Together, as Partnership to End Addiction, we mobilize families, policymakers, researchers and health care professionals to more effectively address addiction systemically on a national scale.”

Best for: Policy news and research

Mental Health Professionals and Consumers

DBS Alliance Newsletter

Site/Organization: Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Site Statement: “DBSA provides hope, help, support, and education to improve the lives of people who have mood disorders. DBSA offers peer-based, wellness-oriented support and empowering services and resources available when people need them, where they need them, and how they need to receive them—online 24/7, in local support groups, in audio and video casts, or in printed materials distributed by DBSA, our chapters, and mental health care facilities across America.”

Best for: News and resources

Mental Health America Newsletter

Site/Organization: Mental Health America (MHA)

Site Statement: “Mental Health America (MHA) is the nation’s leading community-based nonprofit dedicated to addressing the needs of those living with mental illness and promoting the overall mental health of all. MHA’s work is driven by its commitment to promote mental health as a critical part of overall wellness, including prevention services for all; early identification and intervention for those at risk; integrated care, services, and supports for those who need them; with recovery as the goal.”

Best for: Webinars that offer certificates of attendance, news, recommended articles/podcasts, and downloadable toolkits

Research News

Brain & Behavior Research Foundation Weekly e-Newsletter

Site/Organization: Brain & Behavior Research Foundation

Site Statement: “The Brain & Behavior Research Foundation is a global nonprofit organization focused on improving the understanding, prevention and treatment of psychiatric and mental illnesses. The Foundation is committed to alleviating the suffering caused by mental illness by awarding grants that will lead to advances and breakthroughs in scientific research.”

Best for: News and Webinar opportunities

Recovery Bulletin

Site/Organization: Recovery Research Institute at Massachusetts General Hospital

Site Statement: “The Recovery Research Institute is a leading nonprofit research institute of Massachusetts General Hospital, an affiliate of Harvard Medical School, dedicated to the advancement of addiction treatment and recovery. The Recovery Bulletin is a free monthly e-publication summarizing the latest and best research in addiction treatment and recovery.”

Best for: Research news related to addiction and recovery

ScienceDaily Newsletters

Site/Organization: ScienceDaily

Site Statement: “ScienceDaily features breaking news about the latest discoveries in science, health, the environment, technology, and more – from leading universities, scientific journals, and research organizations.”

Best for: The latest research findings


Compiled by Cassie Jewell, M.Ed., LPC, LSATP

newsletters for therapists

8 Strategies for Spotting Fake News

This article provides scientific and evidence-based strategies for spotting fake news and preventing the spread of misinformation.

According to Wikipedia, fake news is “false or misleading information presented as news. It often has the aim of damaging the reputation of a person or entity, or making money through advertising revenue.”

How can you spot false information, defend yourself against it, and prevent the spread of fake news? This is a list of 8 strategies for spotting fake news and identifying misinformation.

8 STRATEGIES FOR SPOTTING FAKE NEWS

“The news and the truth are not the same thing.”

Walter Lippmann (American Journalist)

Your Brain on Fake News

Many accept fake news as fact – providing that it matches up with their current beliefs. This is due to confirmation bias, the tendency to look for and accept information that supports and confirms (rather than rejects) existing beliefs. Confirmation bias occurs when people gather or remember information selectively, or when they decipher it in a biased manner.

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

  • COGNITIVE DISSONANCE CAN LEAD TO CONFIRMATION BIAS. ACCORDING TO THE THEORY OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, WHEN SITUATIONS INVOLVE CONFLICTING ATTITUDES, BELIEFS, OR BEHAVIORS, PEOPLE EXPERIENCE MENTAL DISCOMFORT. WHEN ONE’S ACTIONS OR THOUGHTS CONTRADICT THEIR BELIEFS, THEY MAY ATTEMPT TO REDUCE THE DISCORD TO ALLEVIATE GUILT, SHAME, AND ANXIETY.
  • AN EXAMPLE OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE IS AN ANIMAL LOVER WHO FEELS GUILTY FOR EATING MEAT. AS A RESULT, THEY EXPERIENCE DISCOMFORT. TO REDUCE SHAME AND RESTORE A SENSE OF BALANCE, THEY MAY REJECT OR AVOID INFORMATION THAT PROMOTES VEGANISM OR CRUELTY-FREE LIVING.

Your brain happily receives and accepts information that aligns with your belief system while ignoring or distorting information that threatens your views. Research indicates that the effect is stronger for deeply ingrained and/or emotionally-charged biases and beliefs. Deep-seated biases/views that are formed early in life can be difficult to ‘unlearn’ because they reside in your unconscious mind.

To compensate for confirmation bias, a person must develop critical thinking skills and have a flexible (not rigid) thinking style. To challenge long-held (sometimes unconscious) prejudices, expose yourself to different viewpoints and perspectives. Also, question what you learned (or were told) in childhood.

Other ways to increase awareness are through assessment, such as the Implicit Association Test from Project Implicit, and training, such as the Implicit Bias Module Series (from the Kirwan Institute for the Study of Race and Ethnicity).

By becoming self-aware, you gain ownership of reality; in becoming real, you become the master of both inner and outer life.

Deepak Chopra (Indian-American Author & Alternative Medicine Advocate)

The Misinformation TRAP

A second reason our brains are easily influenced by inaccurate or misleading information (even when we know better) is the result of routine cognitive processes involved in memory and comprehension.

When our brains are flooded with large quantities of information (i.e., the onslaught of news stories from multiple sources), we’re wired to quickly ‘download’ material rather than critically evaluate and analyze. This is the brain’s attempt at preserving its more complex functions. Later, the brain pulls up the readily available misinformation first because it’s easier to retrieve.

Moreover, research indicates that we’re more likely to believe fake news when both accurate and inaccurate information are mixed together in a source.

To avoid the misinformation trap, critically evaluate information immediately, always consider the source, and be aware of the brain’s difficulty with processing information that’s a mix of both fact and fiction.

Emotional Reactions & ‘Gut Feelings’

Emotions play a role in how we receive and process new information. Fear and anger are especially influential. Unfortunately, many people stick with their initial reactions or feelings instead of questioning the validity of a source. Attitudes towards a news source may also influence our automatic reactions.

On the other hand, individuals who rely on concrete evidence are less likely to be swayed by fake news. Researchers found that the acceptance of falsehoods and conspiracy theories was linked to having faith in intuition and/or associating truth with politics and power. Trusting our gut leaves us susceptible to misinformation. Alternately, relying on evidence for spotting fake news makes us less likely to believe false information.

“Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”

John Adams

For spotting fake news and avoiding being misled, notice any strong reactions you have, consider how you feel about the source, and rely on fact, not feeling.

Political Affiliation & Other Influences

Political affiliation influences how we process information. One reason for this is that strong identification with a political party generates a sense of belonging and loyalty. This leads to valuing party ideals over accuracy. Both liberals and conservatives are more likely to believe false information when it aligns with their political party.

“Blind party loyalty will be our downfall. We must follow the truth wherever it leads.”

Dr. DaShanne Stokes (Sociologist and Social Justice Advocate)

What’s more, political affiliation may impact how likely we are to spread false news on social media. According to research, Republicans are less likely than Democrats to have confidence in fact-checkers, and are therefore more likely to share fake news.

Interestingly, political affiliation may also predict how we react to false information about potential threats or hazards. Researchers found that conservatives are more likely than liberals to believe fake warnings and that liberals are more likely to dismiss false information about endangerment or risk.

Regarding gender and age, some research suggests that men are more likely than women to spread misinformation on social media as are individuals over the age of 65.

When it comes to politics and political news, be aware that partisan identity may lead to believing and/or spreading misinformation. Political views may also impact how likely you are to respond to warnings about potential threats and endangerment. Gender and age are additional factors that may contribute to the spread of fake news.

Check Your Source!

When you utilize social media sites for news, you’re less likely to consider the source and more likely to be misled by fake news. Social media sites like Facebook provide users with entertainment (videos, memes, etc.), community, an online marketplace, job postings, news, and more. The intermixing of content is what makes it difficult to discern fiction from fact.

“The information you get from social media is not a substitute for academic discipline at all.”

Bill Nye (Science Guy)

For spotting fake news and reducing the impact of false information you encounter on social media, avoid using Facebook as your primary news platform, and when you do come across a questionable post, always check the source!

Closing Thoughts

In sum, there are many reasons why we’re susceptible to believing misinformation, but there are evidence-based strategies for spotting fake news to avoid being misled.

STRATEGIES FOR SPOTTING FAKE NEWS

    1. 1) Use critical thinking
    2. 2) Remain aware of confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance
    3. 3) Develop a flexible thinking style
    1. 4) Increase awareness of your own biases and challenge your beliefs
    2. 5) Rely on fact, not emotion or intuition
    3. 6) Consider your political affiliation and other influences (such as gender and age)
    4. 7) Avoid social media for news
    5. 8) Always check the source!

See below for links to a list of fake news hits (from Buzzfeed) and lists of websites that promote false information (from CBS, Forbes, and Wikipedia).

Sites for Spotting Fake News

spotting fake news

My 2021 ‘Fake News’ Halloween costume was a hit!

6 Tips for Avoiding Marketing Traps

This article explores some of the lesser-know marketing traps and how you can avoid them.

marketing traps
Image by Aurore Duwez from Pixabay

Marketing Traps: How Advertisers Use Psychology to Sway

It shouldn’t come as a surprise when you Google “bathing suits,” only shortly thereafter to have swimwear ads litter your Facebook feed. Wikipedia defines marketing as “the business process of identifying, anticipating and satisfying customers’ needs and wants.” But what about deceptive or misleading marketing traps?

There’s an entire branch of research dedicated to understanding consumer behavior via psychological, technological, and economical principles. However, you may be less aware of misleading marketing traps or tactics intended to foster false trust or play on subconscious fears.

Here’s a real life example: Recently, I used DoorDash to order breakfast from Silver Diner. I was shocked when the total came to nearly $70. Luckily, my husband was too; he suggested going directly through the restaurant. I selected the equivalent menu items and it was $30 cheaper!! DoorDash not only raised entrée prices, but charged additional fees on top of the delivery fee and tip. To think, I wouldn’t have compared prices had my husband not been (duly) outraged; I almost fell victim to “brand trust.”

Consider the companies you trust. Why don’t you question their products, services, prices, etc.? Are you brand-washed?

To avoid misleading marketing traps, always compare prices, read reviews from verified buyers, avoid grocery shopping when you’re hungry, steer clear of end-of-aisles deals, buy off-season, etc.

Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

This article explores a few lesser-known ways marketers influence consumers by using psychological principles (marketing tactic traps), and how to avoid them. When you, the consumer, know the science behind advertising strategies, you’re better equipped to make educated decisions (and will avoid feeling betrayed by a food delivery app!)


A false sense of health

Advertisers use health-related buzzwords like “gluten-free” or “organic” to lure buyers with an impression of being nutritious. In one study, consumers viewed items stamped with healthy-sounding catchphrases as healthier than non-stamped foods.

Real life example: Years ago, I accompanied a friend to the grocery store. In the dairy section, she grabbed a jug of whole milk. I knew she wanted to lose weight, so I suggested skim. Dubious, she expressed concern because it wasn’t “vitamin D-rich.” Had she consulted the nutrition facts instead of scanning labels, she would know whole and skim have equal amounts of the vitamin.

Image by Aline Ponce from Pixabay

The Health “Buzzword” Marketing Trap

Avoid falling for the health buzzword marketing trap by reading nutrition facts and ingredients before buying. (Sure, those Fruit Loops are made with whole grain, but the first ingredient is still sugar!)

Beware of fast-paced music in a crowded store… it’s a trap!

Researchers found that consumers’ spending increased as the tempo of the music quickened. In addition to spending more, shoppers purchased additional items (instead of opting for fewer products at higher prices). Interestingly, this effect was only observable when the store was crowded.

To avoid this marketing trap, remain aware of your environment when shopping and if possible, go when crowds are thin (or at least wear ear buds).

An unconscious fear of dying may lead you to buy more bottled water – and water bottle companies capitalize on it!

(Um, what? I thought the occasional 7-Eleven purchase of Deer Park was a combination of laziness and convenience on my part, not an ominous and looming fear of my fragile mortality.)

The Bottled Water Marketing Tactic Trap

In 2018, researchers asserted that “most bottled-water advertising campaigns target a deep psychological vulnerability in humans, compelling them to buy and consume particular products. Bottled water ads specifically trigger our most subconscious fear [of death].” It was also suggested that bottled water symbolizes something safe and pure – compelling when you want to avoid health risks.

Image by Franck Barske from Pixabay

According to the study, bottled water appeals most to people who measure their personal value by their physical appearance, fitness levels, material and financial wealth, class, and status.

Whether or not this study withstands replication, consider a filter!

Don’t shop for beach gear on a sunny day

Save your shopping for poorer weather conditions. Researchers found that consumers place a higher value on associated products respective to the weather.

The rationale: It’s easier for someone to visualize the comfort of a fluffy beach towel or the shade of an umbrella when it’s hot and bright (compared to when it’s pouring rain), thereby increasing the desire to make a purchase. Interestingly, this seems to hold true for sunny or snowy conditions, but not rainy weather. It was speculated that rain gear is typically purchased to avoid unpleasant conditions, not to increase enjoyment.

Be wary of the weather when shopping for that beach trip or ski vacation in the mountains; you may end up spending more than intended.

Marketing’s subtle siren song is a hidden trap!

If you’re not one who’s influenced by the “logical persuasion” of advertisements, you may still be subconsciously enticed by the “non-rational influence.” Different kinds of advertisements evoke different types of brain activity.

Even the wisest consumer can be “seduced.” Marketers both overtly and subtly influence our buying behaviors. Your brain will unavoidably betray you at times; you can either accept this or become a hermit. (You may also consider shopping where there are lenient return policies, but be wary of policies that seem too lenient, as this may be a ploy.)

The relaxation trap– don’t get too comfortable!

A 2011 study indicated that relaxed consumers perceived items at a higher value when compared to their less-relaxed (although not stressed) counterparts.

Image by LEEROY Agency from Pixabay

If you’re a bargain-hunter, stay alert to how you’re feeling before entering a store or searching on Amazon; otherwise, you may think you’re getting a great deal when you’re not. (And if you use social media, know that ads may have more sway when you’re sleepy.)


In the midst of marketing traps, misleading ads, and #fakenews, stick with the facts and don’t be swayed.


For more research, see 5 Recent Research Findings on Health & Human Behavior.

marketing traps

5 Remarkable Research Findings in Health & Human Behavior

As a #researchNerd, I’m obsessed with new discoveries and scientific explanations, especially when it comes to human behavior. Here are five interesting studies that have been published this year (and it’s only April!)

5 Recent Research Findings in Health & Human Behavior

I’m a #ResearchNerd. I fell in love with my research and stats class in college. My undergrad study (on tipping behavior) was even published in a peer-reviewed international journal.

It was in grad school that I strayed from the research path to pursue a more clinical route (counseling).

Today, to satisfy my appetite for science, I subscribe to ScienceDaily, an amazing site that posts short summaries of the latest research findings in health, technology, and society.

Here are some of the more interesting research findings from ScienceDaily in 2019 (and it’s only April!):

Recipe for Distress

February 21, 2019

We already know there’s a link between junk food and certain medical conditions (i.e. obesity, cardiovascular disease, diabetes), but more and more researchers are finding a strong correlation between diet and mental well-being.

In this study, researchers found that people who ate more junk food (sugar-sweetened snacks/drinks, fried foods, etc.) had higher levels of psychological stress.

Original Study: Mental health status and dietary intake among California adults: A population-based survey

Why Is It So Difficult to Move on after a Breakup? Because Science

March 11, 2019

It turns out, there’s a reason it’s hard to forget about all the good times with your ex or get that cringe-worthy mishap at work out of your head; it takes more brain power to forget than to remember. According to a recent study, it takes a “moderate amount” of brain power to intentionally forget something. (#worthIt)

Original Study: More is less: Increased processing of unwanted memories facilitates forgetting

“Killer” Style: Men and Women Serial Killers Have Distinct Methods

March 20, 2019

Are you being “hunted”? Or “gathered”? It turns out, male and female serial killers have distinct approaches when it comes to killing. Evolutionary science may explain why men tend to stalk their victims while women’s victims tend to be people they know.

Original Study: Sex differences in serial killers

All about that Bass (Or Not…)

April 3, 2019

…obese persons were considered “less human.”

This unsettling study revealed that individuals with obesity are not only stigmatized, but dehumanized. Researchers found that obese persons were considered “less human.” This type of attitude can lead to ridicule or discrimination.

#fightStigma

Original Study: Blatant dehumanization of people with obesity

A Million Reasons to Read to Your Young Child!

April 4, 2019

Researchers found a “million word gap” for children who weren’t read to at home. In fact, kids who grow up with books hear about 1.4 million more words than their counterparts by kindergarten.

Original Study: When children are not read to at home


Hungry for more research findings? Keep discovering!

research findings

6 Tips for Developing Healthy Boundaries

Why is it important to set and adhere to healthy boundaries? How can you tell if yours are weak?

When I picture a boundary, I imagine drawing a circle with a stick in the dirt… with me in the middle. I stay in; everyone else stays out. Boundaries are protective; they keep us safe. Without boundaries, you have no limits, no sense of direction. Without boundaries, you open yourself up… anyone can come in, with good or bad intentions.

If you have poor boundaries in a dating relationship, you could end up doing things you’re not comfortable with. Or, another example might be with your boss; if you don’t set firm limits, you could end up taking one extra tasks.

“Good fences make good neighbors.”

Robert Frost

Thoughts on Building & Maintaining “Good Fences”

I once worked with a client who regularly violated his partner’s boundaries by yelling, “Phone check!” whenever he wanted to check his girlfriend’s cell. She’d hand it over and he’d review her calls/read her texts. It was a boundary violation for sure. Everyone has a right to privacy.

Another way to conceptualize a boundary is to picture mosquito netting. It keeps the mosquitoes out, but it’s flexible and lightweight. It lets in air, sunlight, a cool breeze… A mosquito net is a healthy boundary. If you were to instead build a brick structure, you’d be doing a lot of unnecessary work and you’d probably still get bit.  

It’s best to be up front and honest about the boundaries you set (which requires assertiveness). With your boss, the first time he asks if you can stay late on a Friday, you might end up saying yes. (It’s probably just a onetime thing, right?) Seeing that you don’t say no the first time, he may continue to ask you to stay late or take on extra work.

The alternative (boundary-setting) option would be to say (when he first asks), “I’m sorry, although I’d love to be able to, I have a policy against being away from home on Fridays. It’s family night at my house.” It’s unlikely he’ll ask you again because you very firmly (and politely) set a boundary.

On the other hand, if you’re passionate about your career, you could be flexible and stay late (especially if you’re hoping for a promotion or a raise) without feeling as though your boundaries have been violated. The important thing is to know where you stand (i.e. what your boundary is).

Equally important to setting boundaries is adhering to them once they’re established. There are people out there who love to test boundaries. A boundary is useless without follow through. Your boundary becomes meaningless if you say you’re not going to do something and then you do it anyway.

If you tell your child “no candy before dinner,” but then finally give in after several bouts of dramatic tears, you’re sending a message. The message is “When I say no, I don’t mean it.” It’s important to be consistent with boundaries.

Signs of Weak Boundaries

  • A lack of assertiveness
  • Altering your personal values for someone (especially in a romantic relationship)
  • Having a sexual relationship with someone when you’re not ready
  • Not being able to say “no”
  • Trusting others quickly (when it’s not warranted)
  • Falling in love quickly or believing an acquaintance is your best friend when you only met the day before

Rigid boundaries, on the other hand, are at the opposite end of the spectrum. A person with rigid boundaries doesn’t trust easily or let others in. It would be difficult to be in an intimate relationship with a person with rigid boundaries.

6 Tips for Healthy Boundaries

Firstly, know that it will take time. Be patient with yourself and don’t criticize yourself if you fall back into old habits.

Recognize (and accept) your right to establish and adhere to personal boundaries. Read one of Dr. Cloud’s books on boundaries or Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More. Personally, I like Co-dependents Anonymous’ recovery literature. It’s an easy read (four pages) and you can access it for free.

If you haven’t already, take time to clarify your values. You can do a values sort – there are plenty of free resources online. It’s something I frequently do with my clients. What’s most important to you? Family? Integrity? Kindness? Have unhealthy boundaries affected this value in the past? (If kindness is most important to you, and you identify as a “people pleaser,” consider all the times you’ve been unkind to yourself. Explore ideas for practicing kindness to both others and self.)

Also, deliberate on the behaviors you find unacceptable (in terms of how you’re treated). Looking back on past relationships, I dated men who cheated on me, called me names, were mean to my friends, and yes, even checked my phone. Completely unacceptable. At this point in my life, I have a zero tolerance policy.

When you establish boundaries, especially with those who don’t expect it (i.e. your mother-in-law or the neighbor who regularly lets his dog romp through your garden), anticipate some push back. It probably won’t feel good in the moment.

Practice assertiveness. Don’t back down. If someone is particularly resistant, don’t engage in an argument.  You don’t owe an explanation. You don’t even have to respond. Remain calm; walk away if needed. If it helps, pre-plan your exact wording. (“I’m sorry, but I’m no longer able to stay till 9 on Fridays. Unexpected circumstances at home won’t allow it.”) Be concise. Don’t be overly apologetic.

If the person you’re setting boundaries with is a significant other or family member, I’d recommend transparency. Let them know that you’re going to make some changes. Share how unhealthy boundaries have negatively impacted you. (Give specific examples if you can.) Don’t place blame. Talk about how healthy boundaries will positively impact not just you,but the relationship. It may still be difficult. There may be some tension; the relationship might feel strained. (And it’s okay.)

If you set boundaries and find them repeatedly violated; firstly, take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Have you been clear and consistent? If so, you may want to consider spending less time with this person or even ending the relationships. Unfortunately, while you can set boundaries, you can’t force someone to respect them.


In sum, boundaries are imperative. Skin is a boundary that keeps other organs in place; it shields our body systems from toxins, viruses, and bacteria that would otherwise be deadly. It keeps the bad stuff out (and the good stuff in). Healthy boundaries are our emotional skin.

If you need a boundaries tune up, it could take some effort, but is well worth it. You’ll experience increased satisfaction in your relationships and will feel more confident. Your overall well-being will improve; boundaries are freeing – by communicating your needs, it’s less likely you’ll feel angry or resentful. And lastly, you’ll find that others have a greater level of respect for you. “Good fences,” it would seem, are not limited to neighbors!


boundaries