The Sober Survival Guide provides readers with an opportunity to explore their drinking habits and determine if an alcohol-free life may be right for them.
“I didn’t ever set out to write a book, but as my blog grew and more people were visiting my website and finding the articles I was writing helpful, I was getting a lot of comments that I should do something more substantial, from here the book began to evolve.
The more I wrote, the more immersed I became in writing a book that I felt would have helped me at the time I wanted to quit. Right through the process I asked myself ‘would this help someone who wants to change their relationship with alcohol?’, if the answer was no, I removed it.
I wanted to create something unique in the ‘quit lit’ sector, that would not only help readers learn the best strategy for quitting drinking that worked for me, but would also help set them up for long-term success when it comes to dealing with the challenges that arise in the months and years after getting sober.
I decided to split [The Sober Survival Guide] into two parts. The first part deals with the process of actually quitting drinking and guides readers along the path to freedom, the second part addresses specific situations that come up after quitting, such as social events, vacations, parties and events, relationships with friends, partners and family and dealing with ‘coming out’ about being ‘alcohol-free’.
My whole approach to sobriety is around our mindset, I believe that living alcohol-free should be seen as a positive lifestyle-choice that we make for ourselves, rather than feeling like we have been deprived and have to get by on willpower because we have had something special taken away from us.
I recently completed the manuscript for my second book – How to Quit Alcohol in 50 Days, which is a one-chapter a day roadmap to becoming alcohol-free and I am excited about the release at the end of this year.”
Can you relate to any of the following statements about alcohol?
“I can’t have fun without it. Imagine going to a party without drinking!”
“It makes me feel less anxious or depressed.”
“It helps me sleep.”
“I can’t relax without it.”
“It makes me entertaining to be around.”
“It fits the lifestyle of my boozy friends.”
“I like the taste.”
“It’s cool and sophisticated.”
“I’m not confident enough to talk to new people without it.”
“It helps me deal with all the problems that life throws my way.”
“It stops me from worrying, especially about how much I’m drinking.”
-Source: The Sober Survival Guide, pg. 6
Maybe you’ve questioned your drinking habits or wondered if you have a problem with drinking. Maybe you’ve thought about quitting, but can’t imagine a life without alcohol. You may, at times, wonder if you’re an alcoholic, but are quick to dismiss the idea because you haven’t hit “rock bottom” and you can’t relate to the 12-step concept of being utterly powerless over a disease.
Simon Chapple is not an alcoholic, nor is he in recovery; he is a person who doesn’t drink. In his book, The Sober Survival Guide, Chapple explains that he doesn’t deem it necessary to carry a label for the rest of your life (as many in AA and NA do). “Remember that you hold the power to be who you want to be, and you can choose what labels you use for yourself” (pg. 11).
In The Sober Survival Guide, Chapple shares about his personal journey as a heavy drinker to discovering sobriety and living an alcohol-free life. He discusses alcoholism and the stigma surrounding certain labels (i.e. “alcoholic”) in the first part of the book, which “sets the scene for you to explore what an alcohol-free life might look like for you” (pg. 21). You are also given the opportunity to examine your relationship with alcohol along with your beliefs about drinking.
The second part of the book serves as a practical handbook for anyone who wants to stop drinking; it includes helpful tips for navigating everyday life situations that could trigger a desire to drink. Some of the problems and challenges you may face include stress, accountability, special events/parties, boredom, sleep, and sober sex, among others.
Throughout the book, Chapple encourages the reader to examine their core beliefs about drinking by asking thought-provoking questions. These questions can serve as journaling prompts for the person who is wondering, “Am I an alcoholic?”
The Sober Survival Guide is an easy read with clearly-presented information. The book has a non-judgmental feel to it, unlike much of the 12-step literature that suggests your drinking is related to character flaws. (The language and concepts of AA can be off-putting and difficult to relate to for individuals at the lower end of the alcohol use disorder spectrum.)
Furthermore, The Sober Survival Guide empowers the reader to make changes; you don’t have to admit powerlessness over a disease and turn your will over to a higher power to quit drinking. Chapple’s message is hopeful and inspiring; plus, many of his strategies are based on evidence-based practices, including CBT and mindfulness.
If you are currently questioning whether or not your drinking habits are “normal,” The Sober Survival Guide will provide answers. This book will lift you up and inspire; as you read through the chapters, you may also feel an enormous sense of relief. Furthermore, you will be equipped with a wealth of effective strategies if you do choose to cut down or quit drinking. (Quitting drinking is not easy, but 100% doable, providing you put in the effort and have supports.)
I recommend reading The Sober Survival Guide if you’ve ever wondered if you’re an alcoholic. (You may not see yourself as a “problem drinker,” but you sometimes experience problems related to your alcohol use.) I also recommend this book if you’ve already made the decision to quit or cut down on alcohol. And if you’re a heavy drinker, but are unsure if you want to stop, The Sober Survival Guide has the power to motivate and inspire. Friends and family members of a heavy drinker will also benefit from this book.
Additionally, The Sober Survival Guide is recommended for anyone working in the mental health field. If you have a client who is worried about their drinking or unsure if they have a problem, this book offers answers while providing a refreshing perspective on alcohol use. (It’s proven that people are better equipped to make sustainable change when presented with a variety of options instead of just one. Don’t contribute to the myth that AA is the only way to get sober!)
Is there anyone who should not read this book? In some ways, The Sober Survival Guide oversimplifies addiction; it does not take into account the complex relationship between trauma and substance use. Some of the techniques described in the second part of the book are not trauma-informed. Additionally, if you’ve been diagnosed with a serious mental illness (i.e. major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc.), your recovery requires a co-occurring approach in order to treat both the addiction and the mental disorder. Lastly, if you have a severe addiction and are physically dependent on alcohol, it’s likely you’ll require extensive, ongoing treatment in order to fully recover; the tips in the book aren’t sufficient (which is noted by the author).
In sum, if you’re tired of the role alcohol plays in your life, consider reading The Sober Survival Guide! You have nothing to lose, but much to gain.
For Simon’s newest book (Kindle version), How to Quit Alcohol in 50 Days: Stop Drinking and Find Freedom, which is set to be released by the end of this year, click here! Check back for an exclusive review on Mind ReMake Project prior to the release date.
Journal Prompts from The Sober Survival Guide
Chapple recommends journaling as a tool for reflection and change. The following prompts are based on material from The Sober Survival Guide. (Download a printable PDF version below.)
✒ What are your drinking habits now? How much? How often? What drinks do you have? What were your drinking habits one year ago? What were your drinking habits five years ago? (Compare your answers. Are you drinking more now than you were before?) (pg. 29)
✒ Calculate the time (per week) you spend drinking alcohol. Consider calculating the time spent planning to drink or recovering from the effects of alcohol. (pg. 147)
✒ List the reasons your life is better because of alcohol. Next, challenge each reason. (pg. 44)
✒ Does labeling yourself as an “alcoholic” or “addict” help or harm you? Why? (pg. 10)
✒ Do you believe you have to hit “rock bottom” to recover? Why or why not? (pg. 41)
✒ Have you ever hit “rock bottom”? Describe the incident in detail. If you haven’t had a “rock bottom” experience, what do you think it would look like? (pg. 41)
✒ What are your current beliefs surrounding alcohol? For each belief you list, write a challenging statement. (Example: “I fail at everything I do – I doubt I can [quit alcohol].” Challenge with “If I don’t try, I won’t ever know. I’ll approach this with an open mind and a sense of curiosity.”) (pg. 38)
✒ Record your current feelings surrounding drinking. (pg. 58)
✒ List specific fears you have about quitting drinking. (Examples: What if my friends think I’m boring sober? What if I fail? What if I can’t have fun anymore?) (pg. 79)
✒ Create a cravings log. List the times of day you experience cravings and what is happening at those times. (pg. 78)
✒ List the pros and cons of drinking. (pg. 77)
✒ List some of the reasons you want to stop drinking. Write about how you want your life to change. (Be specific!) (pg. 25)
✒ List the ways alcohol has negatively impacted your health. Include health concerns you may not have experienced yet. (pg. 28)
✒ List all of the occasions or special events you’ve put alcohol ahead of and reflect on your answers. (pg. 33)
✒ List all of the people, situations, and events you’ve neglected in favor of drinking. Then, for each item, write how the same situation/event would have looked like if you hadn’t been drinking. (pg. 36)
✒ List your justifications for drinking. (Examples: “I work hard; I earned this drink.” “It’s just a beer, not hard liquor.” “I never drink alone.” “I only drink on weekends.”) (pg. 32)
✒ Review your list of current beliefs surrounding alcohol. Assign an emotion to each belief. (Example: “Without drinking each day, I’ll never be happy.” The underlying emotions are worry and sadness.) Next, replace each belief with a truthful statement, something that could become. (Example: “I am happy because [insert reason(s) here], but I have a hard time not drinking every day. So I’m working on this to become stronger.”) (pg. 47)
✒ Write a “breakup” letter to alcohol. (pg. 55)
✒ List all the things you want to do or experience once you are alcohol-free. (pg. 69)
✒ Create a list of ways you can celebrate your success. (Be sure to calculate how much money you’ll save by quitting drinking.) (pg. 84)
✒ Create a sober bucket list. (pg. 148)
✒ List everything you may lose if you start drinking again. (pg. 83)
✒ Create a personal accountability statement. (pg. 83)
✒ List ways you can respond to others when they ask why you’re not drinking. (Examples: “I’m driving.” “Not now, no thanks.” “Not tonight, maybe another time.”) (pg. 74)
✒ When you have an upcoming event that’s potentially triggering, visualize what you will do, say, etc. Write your detailed vision in your journal. (pg. 97)
✒ Create a list of coping skills for when you’re experiencing a low mood. (pg. 116)
✒ Create a gratitude list. (pg. 117)
✒ Create a daily thought log. What are some of the thoughts you have about drinking throughout the day? (pg. 120)
✒ If you experience a lapse or relapse, describe what happened. Pinpoint the exact moment you decided to drink. (pg. 66)
✒ Review what you wrote (in the previous entry) about your lapse or relapse. Identify the triggers you experienced. (pg. 78)
✒ Write a statement of commitment to an alcohol-free life. (pg. 168)
Bonus Material: Checklist for the Problems and Challenges You’ll Face
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Utilizing pedagogical tools such as call-out boxes, Test Yourself questions, and case studies, the author provides step-by-step guidelines for effective planning, goal setting, and evaluation, along with tips for giving constructive feedback and applying coaching strategies to motivate supervisees. She also clearly explains how to manage paperwork and describes specialized techniques, such as using video in supervision. This informative text also includes a special section on ethics authored by a leading expert in the field.
Providing immediately useful group counseling suggestions and tips for addictions counselors, Group Exercises for Addiction Counseling offers powerful techniques that can be adapted to any clinical practice.
Now in a fully rewritten fourth edition, this is the authoritative presentation of motivational interviewing (MI), the powerful approach to facilitating change. It has been updated and streamlined to be even more user-friendly as a practitioner guide and course text. MI originators William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick elucidate the four tasks of MI – engaging, focusing, evoking, and planning – and vividly demonstrate what they look like in action. A wealth of vignettes and interview examples illustrate the dos and don’ts of successful implementation in diverse contexts. The book reviews the evidence base for the approach and covers ways to assess the quality of MI. The companion website provides reflection questions, annotated case material, and additional helpful resources.
Providing tools to enhance treatment of any clinical problem, this book shows how integrating motivational interviewing (MI) and cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can lead to better client outcomes than using either approach on its own. The authors demonstrate that MI strategies are ideally suited to boost client motivation and strengthen the therapeutic relationship, whether used as a pretreatment intervention or throughout the course of CBT.
Courtney Armstrong’s The Therapeutic “Aha!” explores the thrilling and rare moment when a client reaches an elusive realization, allowing them to make meaningful change. In 10 straightforward strategies, this practical book demonstrates how to shake things up in therapy when a client is stuck or stalled to jumpstart progress. Readers will learn how to spark the “emotional brain”―the part of the brain that houses automatic, unconscious patterns―and create new neural pathways that engage and advance the healing process.
The latest research from neuroscience and psychotherapy has shown we can rewire the brain to facilitate trauma recovery. Trauma Treatment Toolbox teaches clinicians how to take that brain-based approach to trauma therapy, showing how to effectively heal clients’ brain with straightforward, easy-to-implement treatment techniques.
(Updated 11/28/23) If you’re a counselor or therapist, you’re probably familiar with Therapist Aid, one of the most well-known sites for providing no-cost therapy worksheets. But Therapist Aid isn’t the only resource for free clinical tools! This is a list of over 200 sites with free therapy worksheets and handouts.
See below for links to websites with free therapy worksheets and handouts for clinical use and self-help.
Click here for therapy worksheets, handouts, and guides posted on this site. Access additional free printables by joining Mind Remake Project’s Facebook group, Resources for Mental Health Counselors & Social Workers. 🆕
Sites with Free Therapy Worksheets & Handouts
Therapy Worksheets for Mental Health
91 Free Counseling Handouts | Handouts on self-esteem, emotions, recovery, stress, and more (Source: Kevin Everett FitzMaurice)
A Good Way to Think: Resources | Therapy worksheets and handouts on happiness, well-being, values, etc. (Source: A Good Way to Think by David)
Articles by Dr. Paul David | Clinical handouts on depression, relationships, substance use disorders, family issues, etc. (Source: Dr. Paul David, PhD)
Black Dog Institute: Resources & Support | Downloadable fact sheets, handouts, mood trackers, and more on a variety of mental health topics (Source: Black Dog Institute Australia)
Bryan Konik: Free Therapy Worksheets | A collection of therapy worksheets on stress management, anxiety, relationships, goal setting, and trauma (Source: Bryan Konik, Therapist & Social Worker)
Cairn Center: Resources | A modest collection of printable assessments, handouts, and worksheets on DBT, anxiety, depression, etc. (Source: Cairn Center)
Coping.us | Printable tools for coping (Source: James J. Messina, PhD & Constance Messina, PhD)
Cornell Health: Fact Sheet Library | A variety of handouts and tracking sheet on various health topics; only a few relate to mental health and addiction (Source: Cornell University)
Counseling Library Handouts | A collection of handouts on depression, trauma, personality, and more (Source: Morning Light Counseling, Carrie M. Wrigley, LCSW)
Downloads | A small collection of therapy worksheets/workbooks on boundaries, anger, anxiety/mindfulness, relationships, and more (Source: Christina Bell, Registered Psychologist)
DOWNLOADS from Get Self Help | Free therapy worksheets and handouts on a variety of topics (Source: Getselfhelp.co.uk)
EchoHawk Counseling: Materials and Resources | Articles, worksheets, and handouts on a variety of topics, including boundaries, emotions, grief, stress, trauma, etc. (Source: Lance Echo-Hawk)
Faith Harper: Worksheets and Printables | A small collection of therapy worksheets and handouts, including a gratitude journal (Source: Faith G. Harper, PhD, LPC-S, ACS, ACN)
Free Social Work Tools and Resources | Worksheets, workbooks, assessments, and other resources for adults and children (Source: SocialWorkersToolbox.com)
Self-Help Library | Multiple handouts on topics including communication, relationships, anxiety, ADHD, anger, depression, and more (Source: Present Centered Therapy)
Self-Help Toolkits | Articles and handouts on worry, depression, assertiveness, etc. (Source: Dr. Danny Gagnon, PhD, Montreal Psychologist)
Therapy Worksheets | A resource blog with links to free therapy worksheets on various mental health topics (Source: Therapy Worksheets by Will Baum, LCSW)
Tim’s Resource Notebook | A small collection of handouts on various topics such as relationships, emotions, and values (Source: Tim’s Resource Notebook)
Therapy Worksheets for Substance Use Disorders & Addiction
Substance Abuse | 12-page PDF packet (Source: Carleton University, Criminal Justice Decision Making Laboratory & Ontario Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services)
Relaxation | 15-page packet on relaxation skills for anxiety (Source: Michigan Medicine)
Stress Management | 5-page packet on stress management (Source: Inner Health Studio)
Stress Management – Patient Handouts | A collection of handouts on stress management; some of the other sections, including “General Health and Wellness” and “Nutrition” have links to handouts as well (Source: UMASS Medical School Department of Psychiatry)
Printable Grief and Loss Resources | A fairly extensive collection of printable handouts on grief and loss (Source: Hamilton’s Funeral & After Life Services)
Anger Management | 13-page PDF packet (Source: Carleton University, Criminal Justice Decision Making Laboratory & Ontario Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services)
Free Tools | Handouts, worksheets, and workbooks including mindful coloring sheets (Source: The Wellness Society)
Handouts and Worksheets | 21-page PDF packet with handouts and worksheets on self-care topics (Source: Psychological First Aid for Schools Field Operations Guide)
Online CBT Resources | Worksheets and questionnaires from Andrew Grimmer, a counselling psychologist and accredited cognitive behavioural psychotherapist in the UK (Source: Online CBT Resources)
Oklahoma TF-CBT Therapy Resources | Printable trauma-focused handouts and assessments for therapists to use with children and adolescents (Source: Oklahoma TF-CBT Therapy Resources)
Prevention Dimensions: Lesson Plans | Downloadable PDF handouts for children from kindergarten to sixth grade (Source: Utah Education Network)
Printable Worksheets | Worksheets for children on physical activity, substance abuse, nutrition, and more (Source: BJC School Outreach and Youth Development)
Just for Teens: A Personal Plan for Managing Stress | 7-page PDF handout (Source: American Academy of Pediatrics from Reaching Teens: Strength-Based Communication Strategies to Build Resilience andSupport Healthy Adolescent Development)
Oklahoma TF-CBT Therapy Resources | Printable trauma-focused handouts and assessments for therapists to use with children and adolescents (Source: Oklahoma TF-CBT Therapy Resources)
Oregon State University: Learning Corner | Student worksheets on time management, wellness, organization skills, etc. (Source: Oregon State University Academic Success Center)
The Relaxation Room | Self-care and stress management handouts for college students (Source: Andrews University)
Resilience Toolkit | PDF handouts for college students on resiliency (Source: Winona State University)
Self-Help Resources | Links to articles for college students on a variety of topics (not in PDF form) (Source: Metropolitan Community College Counseling Services)
Step UP! Resource Library | Worksheets/handouts for students on prosocial behavior and bystander intervention (Source: Step UP!)
Your Life Your Voice: Tips and Tools | Links to articles and PDF printables on a variety of topics for teens and young adults (Source: Your Life Your Voice from Boys Town)
Therapy Worksheets for Marriage/Relationships & Family
Attitudes and Behaviour | 9-page PDF packet on criminal thinking (Source: Carleton University, Criminal Justice Decision Making Laboratory & Ontario Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services)
Motivation To Change | 16-page PDF packet on motivation to change criminal behavior (Source: Carleton University, Criminal Justice Decision Making Laboratory & Ontario Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services)
Peers & Relationships | 12-page PDF packet on how associates impact criminal behavior (Source: Carleton University, Criminal Justice Decision Making Laboratory & Ontario Ministry of Community Safety and Correctional Services)
(Updated 8/21/22) This is a list of over 200 free printable workbooks, manuals, toolkits, and self-help guides for children, adolescents, and families. This post is divided into two sections: printable workbooks and resources for providers and printable workbooks and resources for families.
Disclaimer: Links are provided for informational and educational purposes. I recommend reviewing each resource before using for updated copyright protections that may have changed since it was posted here. When in doubt, contact the author(s).
The Adolescent Coping with Stress Course: An Eight-Session Curriculum Developed for the Prevention of Unipolar Depression in Adolescents with an Increased Future Risk | Source: Kaiser Permanente for Health Research (Find more information here)
The Adolescent Coping with Stress Course: A Fifteen-Session Class Curriculum Developed for the Prevention of Unipolar Depression in Adolescents with an Increased Future Risk | Source: Kaiser Permanente for Health Research (Find more information here)
Triad Girls’ Group Treatment Manual | Source: The Louis de la Parte Florida Mental Health Institute, University of South Florida, 201 pages (2003) (More information on the Triad Project here)
Printable Workbooks for Anger
Anger Management for Kids | Source: Behavioral Institute For Children and Adolescents, Dr. Sheldon Braaten, 23 pages
Growing Up Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, or Transgender | Source: Department of Education and Skills and the Health Service Executive through the Social, Personal and Health Education Support Service in conjunction with GLEN (Gay and Lesbian Equality Network) and BeLonG To Youth Services & Professional Development Services for Teachers, 82 pages (Find more information here) 🏳️🌈
Anxiety Toolbox: Student Workbook | (Printable Workbook) Source: Based on the Anxiety Toolbox curriculum at Counseling Services of California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo, with modifications by the Broene Counseling Center of Calvin College, 42 pages (2017)
COPE | Source: West Carolina University Counseling and Psychological Services
Youth Transition Workbook | (Printable Workbook) Source: Pennsylvania Youth Leadership Network, The Rhode Island Transition Council, & The Rhode Island Department of Health Youth Advisory Council, 68 pages (2017)
Please contact me if a link isn’t working or if you’d like to suggest a resource for free printable workbooks or tools for children, youth, and families!
Effective coping skills make it possible to survive life’s stressors, obstacles, and hardships. Without coping strategies, life would be unmanageable. Dr. Constance Scharff described coping mechanisms as “skills we… have that allow us to make sense of our negative experiences and integrate them into a healthy, sustainable perspective of the world.” Healthy coping strategies promote resilience when experiencing minor stressors, such as getting a poor performance review at work, or major ones, such as the loss of a loved one.
Like any skill, coping is important to practice on a regular basis in order to be effective. Do this by maintaining daily self-care (at a minimum: adequate rest, healthy meals, exercise, staying hydrated, and avoiding drugs/alcohol.)
As an expert on you (and how you adapt to stressful situations), you may already know what helps the most when life seems out-of-control. (I like reading paranormal romance/fantasy-type books!) Maybe you meditate or run or rap along to loud rap music or have snuggle time with the cats or binge watch your favorite show on Netflix. Having insight into/awareness of your coping strategies primes you for unforeseeable tragedies in life.
“Life is not what it’s supposed to be. It’s what it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.”
Virginia Satir, Therapist (June 26, 2019-September 10, 1988)
Healthy coping varies greatly from person to person; what matters is that your personal strategies work for you. For example, one person may find prayer helpful, but for someone who isn’t religious, prayer might be ineffective. Instead, they may swim laps at the gym when going through a difficult time. Another person may cope by crying and talking it out with a close friend.
Note: there are various mental health treatment approaches (i.e. DBT, trauma-focused CBT, etc.) that incorporate specialized, evidence-based coping techniques that are proven to work (by reducing symptoms and improving wellbeing) for certain disorders. The focus of this post is basic coping, not treatment interventions.
On the topic of coping skills, the research literature is vast (and beyond the scope of this post). While many factors influence coping (i.e. personality/temperament, stressors experienced, mental and physical health, etc.), evidence backs the following methods: problem-solving techniques, mindfulness/meditation, exercise, relaxation techniques, reframing, acceptance, humor, seeking support, and religion/spirituality. (Note that venting is not on the list!) Emotional intelligence may also play a role in the efficiency of coping skills.
A sport psychology study indicated that professional golfers who used positive self-talk, blocked negative thoughts, maintained focus, and remained in a relaxed state effectively coped with stress, keeping a positive mindset. Effective copers also sought advice as needed throughout the game. A 2015 study suggested that helping others, even strangers, helps mitigate the impact of stress.
Examples of coping skills include prayer, meditation, deep breathing, exercise, talking to a trusted person, journaling, cleaning, and creating art. However, the purpose of this post is to provide coping alternatives. Maybe meditation isn’t your thing or journaling leaves you feeling like crap. Coping is not one-size-fits-all. The best approach to coping is to find and try lots of different things!
The inspiration for this post came from Facebook. (Facebook is awesome for networking! I’m a member of several professional groups.) Lauren Mills sought ideas for unconventional strategies via Facebook… With permission, I’m sharing some of them here!
Unconventional Coping Strategies
Crack pistachio nuts
Fold warm towels
Smell your dog (Fun fact: dog paws smell like corn chips!) or watch them sleep
Peel dried glue off your hands
Break glass at the recycling center
Pop bubble wrap
Lie upside down
Watch slime or pimple popping videos on YouTube
Sort and build Lego’s
Write in cursive
Observe fish in an aquarium
Twirl/spin around
Solve math problems (by hand)
Use a voice-changing app (Snapchat works too) to repeat back your worry/critical thoughts in the voice of a silly character OR sing your worries/thoughts aloud to the tune of “Happy Birthday”
Listen to the radio in foreign languages
Chop vegetables
Go for a joy ride (Windows down!)
Watch YouTube videos of cute animals and/or giggling babies
Blow bubbles
Walk barefoot outside
Draw/paint on your skin
Play with (dry) rice
Do (secret) “random acts of kindness”
Play with warm (not hot) candle wax
Watch AMSR videos on YouTube
Shuffle cards
Recite family recipes
Find the nicest smelling flowers at a grocery store
Count things
Use an app to try different hairstyles and/or makeup
People-watch with a good friend and make up stories about everyone you see (Take it to the next level with voiceovers!)
Wash your face mindfully
Buy a karaoke machine and sing your heart out when you’re home alone
On Instagram, watch videos of a hydraulic press smash things, cake decorating, pottery/ceramics throwing, hand lettering, and/or woodwork
Click below for a PDF version of “Unconventional Coping Strategies.” This handout can be printed, copied, and shared without the author’s permission, providing it’s not used for monetary gain.
In one study, participants who listened to upbeat music while actively trying to feel happier experienced improved mood as well as increased happiness over the next two weeks.
A 2017 study indicated that listening to your favorite songs impacts the brain circuit involved in internally focused thought, empathy, and self-awareness. Interestingly, it doesn’t matter what type of music you choose; the mood-boosting effect is consistent across genres.
Alternatively, consider a stroll in the park for a boost. Researchers found that individuals with depression who took an hour-long nature walk experienced significant increases in attention and working memory when compared to individuals who walked in urban areas. Interestingly, both groups of participants experienced similar boosts in mood; walking in an urban area can be just as effective!
More recently, researchers found that people who regularly commute through natural environments (i.e. passing by trees, bodies of water, parks, etc.) reported better mental health compared to those who don’t. This association was even stronger among active commuters (walking or biking to work). If you commute through congested or urban areas, consider an alternate route, especially when you’re feeling down.
Spending time outside does more than just improve your mood. A 2018 report established a link between nature and overall wellness. Living close to nature and spending time outside reduces the risk of type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease, premature death, preterm birth, stress, and high blood pressure. Exposure to green space may also benefit the immune system, reduce inflammation, and increase sleep duration.
Read/view something inspiring or humorous
Do you have a favorite inspirational book or collection of poems? Do you like viewing motivational TED Talks? Do you enjoy comedy shows? Maybe you like watching videos of baby goats or flash mobs on Facebook. (I do!)
One study found that viewing cat videos boosted energy and positive emotions while decreasing negative feelings (such as anxiety, annoyance, and sadness). Internet cats = Instant mood boost. However, if cyber cats are not your thing, search around to find something enjoyable to read or watch for your happiness quick-fix.
Plan your next adventure
I’m happiest when I’m traveling the world. Unfortunately, I have limited vacation days (as well as limited funds), which means I don’t get to travel as often as I’d like. Happily, planning a trip may produce the same mood-boosting effects as going on a trip.
In 2010, researchers found that before taking a trip, vacationers were happier compared to those not planning a trip. A 2002 study indicated that people anticipating a vacation were happier with life in general and experienced more positive/pleasant feelings compared to people who weren’t. In both studies, researchers attributed happiness levels to anticipation. (The brain releases dopamine during certain activities, causing us to feel pleasure. Dopamine is also released in anticipation of a pleasurable activity.) For a mood boost, start planning!
The next time you’re having a bad day, listen to your favorite song, go hiking in the woods, watch a TED Talks, start planning your next vacation, or spend some quality time with a furry friend… you’ll feel better!
Self-care is not a luxury; it’s necessary for survival when your loved one has a substance use disorder. By taking care of yourself, you gain the energy and patience to cope with your problems. Self-care promotes wellness and emotional intelligence; it puts you in a better space to interact with your loved one. Strategies include developing/building resilience, practicing distress tolerance, keeping perspective, and recognizing/managing your triggers.
When your loved one has a substance use disorder (SUD), it can be overwhelming, distressing, and all-consuming. When we’re stressed, we forget to practice basic self-care, which in turn makes us even less equipped to cope with the emotional chaos addiction generates. This post is about self-care strategies for when your loved one has an addiction.
(Side note: I strongly recommend reading Beyond Addiction if your loved one has an SUD or if you work in the field. This book will increase your understanding of addiction and teach you how to cope with and positively impact your loved one’s SUD by using a motivational approach. This is one of the best resources I’ve come across, especially for family members/significant others.)
Based on the premise that your actions affect your loved one’s motivation, taking care of yourself is not only modeling healthy behaviors, it’s putting you in a better space to interact with your loved one. Chronic stress and worry make it difficult to practice self-care. Self-care may even seem selfish.
However, by taking care of yourself and thus reducing suffering, you gain the energy and patience to cope with your problems (and feel better too). Furthermore, you reduce the level of pain and tension in your relationships with others, including your loved one with a SUD.
Self-care strategies include developing/building resilience, practicing distress tolerance, keeping perspective, and recognizing/managing your triggers. Therapy and/or support groups are additional options.
“An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly.”
Unknown
Self-Care Strategies When Your Loved One Has an Addiction
Resilience
The definition of resilience is “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties” (Oxford Dictionary). Doctors Foote, Wilkens, and Kosanke wrote that having resilience is a way to “systematically reduce your vulnerability to bad moods, lost tempers, and meltdowns.”
While you cannot “mood-proof” yourself entirely, resilience helps when facing life’s challenges, setbacks, and disappointments. To maintain resilience, one must practice at least the most basic self care practices, which are as follows:
Self-care is not something you can push in to the future. Don’t wait until you have more time or fewer obligations. Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. The authors of Beyond Addiction pointed out that self-care is something you have control over when other parts of your life are out of control. If you find it challenging to implement self-care practices, tap into your motivations, problem-solve, get support, and most of all, be patient and kind with yourself.
“Taking care of yourself is the most powerful way to begin to take care of others.”
Bryant McGill
Distress Tolerance
On tolerance, Doctors Foote, Wilkens, and Kosanke suggested that it is “acceptance over time, and it is a cornerstone of self-care.” Tolerance is not an inherent characteristic; it is a skill. And like most skills, it requires practice. However, it’s wholly worth the effort as it reduces suffering. By not tolerating the things you cannot change (such as a loved one’s SUD), you’re fighting reality and adding to the anguish.
Self-care strategies and techniques for distress tolerance include distracting yourself, relaxing, self-soothing, taking a break, and creating positive experiences. (The following skills are also taught in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), an evidence-based practice that combines cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and mindfulness. For additional resources, visit The Linehan Institute or Behavioral Tech.)
Distract Yourself
Switch the focus of your thoughts. The possibilities are endless; for you, this could mean reading a magazine, calling a friend, walking the dog, etc. The authors of Beyond Addiction suggested making a list of ideas for changing your thoughts (and keeping it handy).
Switch the focus of your emotions. Steer your emotions in a happier direction by watching corgi puppies on YouTube, reading an inspirational poem, or viewing funny Facebook memes. The writers of Beyond Addiction suggested bookmarking sites in your Internet browser that you know will cheer you up.
Switch the focus of your senses. This could mean taking a hot shower, jumping into a cold pool, holding an ice cube in your hand, walking from a dark room to one that’s brightly lit, looking at bright colors, listening to loud rock music, etc. Also, simply walking away from a distressing situation may help.
Do something generous. Donate to your favorite charity, pass out sandwiches to the homeless, visit a nursing home and spend time with the residents, express genuine thanks to cashier or server, etc. By redirecting attention away from yourself (and directing energy toward positive goals), you’ll feel better. In Beyond Addiction, it’s noted that this skill is especially helpful for individuals who tend to ruminate. Also, it’s important to brainstorm activities that are accessible in the moment (i.e. texting a friend to let them know you’re thinking about them) that don’t take multiple steps (such as volunteering).
“Body tells mind tells body…” Relaxing your body helps to relax your mind. It also focuses your thoughts on relaxing (instead of your loved one’s addiction). What helps you to relax? Yoga? A hot bath? Mindful meditation? (I recommend doing a mindful body scan; it’s simple and effective, even for the tensest of the tense, i.e. me.)
Soothe Yourself
In Beyond Addiction, self-soothing is described as “making a gentle, comforting appeal to any of your five senses.” A hot beverage. Nature sounds. A cozy blanket. A scenic painting. Essential oils. A cool breeze. A warm compress. A massage. Your favorite song. Find what works for you, make a list, and utilize as needed. Seemingly small self-care strategies can make a big difference in your life by creating comfort and reducing out-of-control emotions.
Take A Break
“Taking a break” doesn’t mean giving up; it’s a timeout for when you’re emotionally exhausted and is one of the best self-care strategies you can have. Learn to recognize when you need to step away from a situation or from your own thoughts. Find a way to shift your focus to something pleasant (i.e. a romantic movie, a nature walk, a day trip to the beach, playing golf for a few hours, traveling to a different country, etc.)
Doctors Foote, Wilkens, and Kosanke refer to this as “making it better,” not in the sense that you’re fixing the problem (or your loved one), but that you’re making the moment better by transforming a negative moment into a positive one. Suggested self-care strategies for creating a positive experience include the following:
Half-smile. Another mind-body technique, half-smiling tricks your brain into feeling happier.
Meditate or pray. As explained in Beyond Addiction, “meditation or pray is another word for – and effective channel to – awareness and acceptance. Either one can open doors to different states of mind and act as an emotional or spiritual salve in trying moments.”
Move. By moving, you’re shifting your focus and releasing energy. Stretch, run, play volleyball, chop wood, move furniture, etc.
Find meaning. The authors of Beyond Addiction wrote, “Suffering can make people more compassionate toward others. Having lived through pain, sometimes people are better able to appreciate moments of peace and joy.” Suffering can also inspire meaningful action. What can you do to find meaning?
Borrow some perspective. How do your problems look from a different viewpoint? Ask a trusted friend. You may find that your perspective is causing more harm than good.
Perspective
Perspective is “an understanding of a situation and your reactions to it that allows you to step back and keep your options open… [it’s] seeing patterns, options, and a path forward” (Beyond Addiction).
When Trish married Dave nearly 20 years ago, he rarely drank: maybe an occasional beer over the weekend or a glass of wine at dinner. After their fist daughter was born, his drinking increased to a few beers most nights. Dave said it helped him relax and manage the stress of being a new parent.
By the time their second daughter was born several years later, his drinking had progressed to a six-pack of beer every evening (and more on weekends). Currently, Dave drinks at least a 12-pack of beer on weeknights; if it’s the weekend, his drinking starts Friday after work and doesn’t stop until late Sunday night.
Dave no longer helps Trish with household chores or yardwork as he did early in their marriage. He rarely dines with the family and won’t assist with the cooking/cleanup; he typically eats in front of the TV. Dave occasionally engages with his daughters, but Trish can’t recall the last time they went on a family outing, and it’s been years since they went on a date.
Dave struggles to get out of bed in the mornings and is frequently late to work; Trish is worried he’ll get fired. They frequently argue about this. Dave is irritable much of the time, or angry. Most nights, he doesn’t move from his armchair (except to get another beer) until he passes out with the television blaring.
Trish is frustrated; she believes Dave is lazy and lacks self-control. When she nags about his drinking, he promises he’ll cut back, but never follows through. Trish thinks he’s not trying hard enough. She can’t understand why he’d choose booze over her and the kids; sometimes she wonders if it’s because she’s not good enough… maybe he would stop if she was thinner or funnier or more interesting? At times she feels helpless and hopeless and others, mad and resentful; she frequently yells at Dave. She wonders if things are ever going to change.
A different perspective would be to recognize that Dave has an alcohol use disorder. He feels ill most of the time, which affects his mood, energy level, and motivation. He wants to cut back, but fails when he tries, which leads to guilt and shame. To feel better, he drinks. It’s a self-destructive cycle.
If Trish understood this, she could learn to not take his drinking personally or question herself. Her current reactions, nagging and yelling, only increase defensiveness and harm Dave’s sense of self-worth. Alternative options for Trish might include learning more about addiction and the reasons Dave drinks, bolstering his confidence, and/or creating a supportive and loving environment to enhance motivation.
Triggers
In recovery language, a “trigger” is anything (person, place, or thing) that prompts a person with SUD to drink or use; it activates certain parts of the brain associated with use. For instance, seeing a commercial for beer could be triggering for a person with an alcohol use disorder.
You have triggers too. For example, if your loved one is in recovery for heroin, and you notice that a bottle of opioid painkillers is missing from the medicine cabinet, it could trigger a flood of emotions: fear, that your loved one relapsed; sadness, when you remember the agony addiction brings; hopelessness, that they’ll never recover. It’s crucial to recognize what triggers you and have a plan to cope when it happens. Being aware of your triggers is a self-care strategy.
Therapy & Support Groups
Lastly, self-care strategies such as therapy and/or support groups can be a valuable addition to your self-care regime. Seeing a therapist can strengthen your resilience and distress tolerance skills. Therapy may provide an additional avenue for perspective.
(Side note: A good therapist is supportive and will provide you with tools for effective problem-solving and communication, coping with grief and loss, building self-esteem, making difficult choices, managing stress, overcoming obstacles, improving social skills/emotional intelligence, and better understanding yourself. A good therapist empowers you. A bad therapist, on the other hand, will offer advice and/or tell you what to do, disempowering you.)
Regarding support groups, there are many options for family members, friends, and significant others with a loved one who has a SUD, including Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and Families Anonymous. Support groups provide the opportunity to share in a safe space and to receive feedback, suggestions, and/or encouragement from others who relate.
“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent. Caring for myself is an act of survival.”
Audre Lorde
In sum, self-care is not optional; it’s essential for surviving the addiction of a loved one. Self-care enhances both overall wellness and your ability to help your loved one; in order words, take responsibility for your health and happiness by taking care of yourself. Commit to engaging in at least one or two of the self-care strategies you learned about in this post.
Munn wrote this book because, as a nonbeliever, he felt the 12 steps of AA didn’t fully translate into a workable program for atheists or agnostics. This inspired him to develop the Practical 12 Steps.
I stumbled upon Staying Sober Without God while searching for secular 12-step literature for a client who identifies as atheist. Jeffrey Munn, the book’s author, is in recovery and also happens to be a licensed mental health practitioner.
Munn wrote the book because as a nonbeliever he felt the 12 steps of AA didn’t fully translate into a workable program for atheists or agnostics. (For example, the traditional version of Step 3 directs the addict to turn his/her will and life over to the care of God as they understand him. If you don’t believe in God, how can you put your life into the care of him? Munn notes that there’s no feasible replacement for a benevolent, all-knowing deity.)
The whole “God thing” frequently turns nonbelievers off from AA/NA. They’re told (by well-meaning believers) to find their own, unique higher power, such as nature or the fellowship itself. (The subtle undertone is that the nonbeliever will eventually come around to accept God as the true higher power.)
In Staying Sober Without God Munn asserts, “There is no one thing that is an adequate replacement for the concept of God.” He adds that you can’t just replace the word “God” with “love” or “wisdom.” It doesn’t make sense. So he developed the Practical 12 Steps and wrote a guide for working them.
The Practical 12 Steps for staying sober are as follows:
Admitted we were caught in a self-destructive
cycle and currently lacked the tools to stop it
Trusted that a healthy lifestyle was attainable
through social support and consistent self-improvement
Committed to a lifestyle of recovery, focusing
only on what we could control
Made a comprehensive list of our resentments,
fears, and harmful actions
Shared our lists with a trustworthy person
Made a list of our unhealthy character traits
Began cultivating healthy character traits
through consistent positive behavior
Determined that the best way to make amends to
those we had harmed
Made direct amends to such people wherever
possible, except when to do so would cause harm
Practiced daily self-reflection and continued
making amends whenever necessary
We started meditating
Sought to retain our newfound recovery lifestyle
by teaching it to those willing to learn and by surrounding ourselves with
healthy people
The Practical 12 Steps in no way undermine the traditional
steps or the spirit of Alcoholics Anonymous. Instead, they’re supplemental;
they provide a clearer picture of the steps for the nonbeliever.
Before delving into the steps in Staying Sober Without God, Munn discusses the nature of addiction, recovery, and the role of mental illness (which is mostly left untouched in traditional literature). He addresses the importance of seeking treatment (therapy, medication, etc.) for mental disorders while stressing that a 12-step program (secular or otherwise) is not a substitute for professional help. In following chapters, Munn breaks each step down and provides guidelines for working it.
The last few chapters of the book provide information on
relapse and what the steps don’t
address. Munn notes that sustainable recovery requires more than just working
the steps, attending AA meetings, and taking a sponsor’s advice. For a
balanced, substance-free lifestyle, one must also take care of their physical
health, practice effective communication, and engage in meaningful leisure
activities. Munn briefly discusses these components in the book’s final chapter,
“What the Steps Miss.”
Staying Sober Without God is well-written and easy to read. The author presents information that’s original and in line with current models of addiction treatment, such as behavioral therapy (an evidence-based approach for substance use disorder). Working the Practical 12 Steps parallels behavioral treatments; the steps serve to modify or discontinue unhealthy behaviors (while replacing them with healthy habits). Furthermore, a 12-step network provides support and meaningful human connection (also crucial for recovery).
In my opinion, the traditional 12 Steps reek of the moral model, which viewed addiction as a moral failure or sin. Rooted in religion, this outdated (and false) model asserted that the addict was of weak character and lacked willpower. The moral model has since been replaced with the disease concept, which characterizes addiction as a brain disorder with biological, genetic, and environmental influences.
The Practical 12 Steps are a better fit for what we know about addiction today; Munn focuses on unhealthy behaviors instead of “character defects.” For example, in Step 7, the addict implements healthy habits while addressing unhealthy characteristics. No one has to pray to a supernatural being to ask for shortcomings to be removed.
The Practical 12 Steps exude empowerment; in contrast, the
traditional steps convey helplessness. (The resulting implication? The only way
to recover is to have faith that God will heal you.) The practical version of
the steps instills hope and inspires the addict to change. Furthermore, the
practical steps are more concrete and less vague when compared to the
traditional steps. (This makes them easier to work!)
In sum, Munn’s concept of the steps helped me to better understand the 12-step model of recovery; the traditional steps are difficult to conceptualize for a nonbeliever, but Munn found a way to extract the meaning of each step (without altering overall purpose or spirit). I consider the practical steps a modern adaptation of the traditional version.
I recommend reading Staying Sober Without God if you have a substance use disorder (regardless of your religious beliefs) or if you’re a professional/peer specialist who works with individuals with substance use disorders. Munn’s ideas will give you a fresh perspective on 12-step recovery.
For working the practical steps, download the companion workbook here:
Note: The workbook is meant to be used in conjunction with Munn’s book. I initially created it for the previously mentioned client as a format for working the practical steps. The workbook is for personal/clinical use only.
This is a list of links to resource pages for wellness, mental illness, addiction, and self-help. (For resources posted on Mind ReMake Project, click here.)
(Updated 5/15/21) 12-step recovery groups, while not a substitute for treatment, can play a crucial role in recovery and continued sobriety. AA/NA (and similar) meetings are available all over the world and are open to anyone with a desire to stop using or drinking.
